super down side - private

[[over ther]]

2006-09-30T02:31:00.000-07:00

shifted blog. for particular reasons.

[[kena forced to blog]]

2006-09-24T06:27:00.000-07:00

ok so here i am bloggin again after some ancient tym ago of not bloggin cos i'm being force by my la0g0ng who dearly misses my sweet posts. MUAHAHAHAHAHAS!ok la let not b bhb le la. won't b able to blog much anymore cos the com at home's spoilt. i'm heartbroken...B2 will have to go soon...i dowann emm to go...i wanna keep em...sigh y?but anyway i have to thank my darling who supportin me thou makin me pissed n hurt at tyms but ya he's sweet. hahahas he'll kill me upon readin this part...hrmm i found out some stuff makin me disappointed in some ppl. idunnoe what to blog leh...stuupid don la. lol. i usually blog only when i'm emo la....ok now EOY i wish every1 best of luck n me myself too =))))))))))))

signin off.
<33s~!
zhEnNy ah gIrL

[[sigh]]

2006-09-15T08:59:00.000-07:00

sorry for the extreme lag inbloggin.been really busy lately. exam round the corner n on top of that i found kittens to look after.sunday i found 7 kittens n the night i returned 5 to the mother cat n kept 2. B square i call em. baBy & brownie.

i can't beleved i cried 3 tyms today.i hate this ok? some how some what y can't things go right for my loved ones?stead family closed ones. i hate seein dem upset. in such a screwed upp mood. makes me wanna curse & swear...n the kittens thou i love em, has kept me upp fer a few nights le. n 'm in a rather bad mood.....
KNNBCCB NNN FUCKIN MUTHA CB NB KBBP CCB GRAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

sis backk gtg

[[=.=]]

2006-09-07T22:36:00.000-07:00

OMYGOD YOU SO HAVE TA SEE THIS ITS SO @#$%^&*(#$%) FARNIE!!

http://www.dumpalink.com/media/1148029464/Lost_Reality..._He_Said_She_Said

lols enjoy at least watch until 2min2o secs & u'll get the joke. couldn c it comin. HAHA

[[ewEn & miki??]]

2006-09-07T08:00:00.000-07:00

No man/woman is worth your tears and the only one who is, will never make you cry. If you love someone, put their name in a circle, instead of a heart, because hearts can break, but circles go on forever.

Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say.

If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them, I'd be at the bottom to catch them.

"Don't frown, because you never know who's falling in love with your smile!"

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them"

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle." Plato

It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone- but it takes a lifetime to forget someone."

"Enthusiasm is contagious. You could start an epidemic!"

Some say love, it is a river
That drowns the tender reed
Some say love, it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed

Some say love, it is a hunger
An endless aching need
I say love, it is a flower
And you its only seed

It's the soul afraid of dreaming,
That never learns to dance
And the soul afraid of waking,
That never takes the chance

It's the one, who won't be taken
Who cannot seem to give
And the soul afraid of dying,
That never learns to live

When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long
When you feel that love is only
For the lucky and the strong

Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snow
Lies the seed that with the sun's love
In the spring becomes the rose

________________________________________

hey.
why is it so hard huh?
leavin that bhind n starting all over again.
say pshyco or whatever.
what you don't understand is pain from de loss of some1 you love
i don't mean to insult u or anything.
but i'm hurtin once more.
for u.
i had promised myself
not to shed tears for you anymore.
but now.
it just comes.
for what i don't know
mayb cos of my own selfishess...
so many tyms i had pushed the memory aside.but i can't. i'm sorry baBy i didn't meant for this to happen. this tym. words can't describ how i feel now. surprisingly, i can't say much this tym.
_____________________________________
HEYY!!
SORRY FOR THE LAGG IN BLOGGIN AYE!!=)
i went setosa with agnes today.WHOO BABY IT WAS FUN!hahahs in n outta da sea puttin suntan lotion on n on n on playing splashin gossipin suntannin.whooo!!1st day of dec hols we're gonna go again!hahahs went for the bikin trail again. haha!so fun okayys!n tiring yet. haha.waddya know?my stamina dropped x(( hahahs den went to meet baBy fer a while den met my parents fer seafood!BWEEH~!many fun ridiculous stuff had happened.hahahs but yet i love my friends!& & my baBy too!!!!!!! they whom had alwais been by my side jokin cheerin helpin me n all. my baBy, er zii TOTO-CHAN SZETOH xDD,dean da idiot,shane the ?haha. nigel even.hahahs n of course JASON & GILBERT thous gill is an idiot who loves to bully me xDD hahas. grahh!!i miss step n angie!!& & PRIS WO HEN XIANG NI HE DENISE!!awww nigels' at HK now. NIGEL DON'T FORGET OUR GIFTS!!xDD chey i'm greedy xDD jkin neh. nig's comin backk in 2 days tym.ahhahs.hrmm so far so good. my parents approve of baBy.xDD heyy baBy i <33 you so don't think i don't okayys?cheer upp pls don't go nuts anymore...
_________________________________
Guys. realize that the girl
holding onto u…

is PERFECT in their own special way.

The way she laughs..
The way she cries for every single thing..
The way she loves you..
The way she tries to please you...

Always remember that.

She can always get up and walk away,
getting someone else who can love her
more.

For all do not know,
there is someone out there wooing her
already,
but she is rejecting,
a maybe perfect love for her..

There might also be someone out there..
who is willing to love her more than you
are loving
her now,
fufill her every need and love her as
much as she
loves you.

Understand that.

Imagine this, guys.
When you are holding her today...
and then you cheat on her by hugging
and kissing another gal.
and then you run back to her...
and u do the same....
but you still see love in her eyes for you...
What do you think?
Do you feel the hurt?
Can you feel the guilt?

She loves you not because you are
good looking,
u are some one whom is very famous,
buy her things,
or whatever else!!!

She loves you for who you are.
Your every touch, every word you say,
everything you do. Which creates a
very big diff towards her!

Guys.
Cherish and appreciate your girl.
Don't break her fragile heart.
She is the only one who can love you
that way. Maybe sme one else can
But it doesn’t stay long…
You won't wanna regret letting go of that
special
girl you have.
For everything she has done for you, the
least
you
can do is to give her unconditional love
as she
has given to you. And at least be happY wiT it Then
LateR REGRETTTING!

& i tot...
collaspe break die
satanic anger harted n pain
vulgarities hurled
fuck you shuddap
insanity
bring me back my sanity
i still love you
both
hurl me thru thy darkness
o7 sept
1o.55.p.m.

[[i don't understand...]]

2006-08-31T08:20:00.000-07:00

sigh somehow i wish i cann really be alone for the whole day w/o a care in the world & all. i really hate myself. for everything that went wrong. someehow somewhat it alwais seems to b my fault. alwais pms-in & all. i still can't wipe out the pain within. still flickerin. left by him...zzZz & to make matters worst, my dad was very nice ytd to throw a scissors at me & yell vulgars & such at me. just cos i brought some shorts? why is it my mom cann wear it my sis cann wear i can't?y does it seems lyk the world is bias against me?is it just me or is it my attitude?or what?i seriously realised something really dumb these few days.i don't appear so emotional anymore. mayb 's cos i can't cry anymore...ytd that shock didn even make me cry. usually i'll just burst out cryin & anger my dad more. but ytd i only had the feelin of wantin to cry but nothing seems to come out. lyk i'm dried upp.& a few days backk when something was wrong btwn me & him. we were quiet. i wanted to cry. but nothing came out...i really wann have a real good long cry...i'm breaking dwn with the stress welled upp inside me. i may appear harsh to him. but i really cannot bring myself to b nice or sweet to ppl. i alwais feel a twige of sadness no matter what. i really hate this.. i alwais feel bad too....lyk i'm usin ppl & all...i feel guilty. i feel hurt. i feel lyk i'm not myself...but i somehow know i can't revert backk anymore...i can't stop spurting vulgars...i can't stop acting lyk some slut...mayb thats cos i really am now?screw i really hate myself now. i really wanna just destroy everything...i feel lyk i'm not really alive yet alive...makes no sense i know. living dead once again ehh?i'm sick of everything. lyf & all. i'm bored of everything. i crave fun. but how cann there be fun w/o lauffter?lauffter w/o happiness?happiness w/o him?i really hate to admit it but i still miss him. i'm sorry darling but its still the ultimate truth. i've been hidin so long & acting lyk its ok but its not. not yet. not now. somehow...sigh whats the use?i'm being a complete idiot. i really just wanna slp slp slp lyk some idiot grow pale weak & all. n den ultimately die. i crave slp the most. can't ever get enuff of it. slpin is free. you don't have to pay for it. you don't have worries by slpin. you don't have to think much don't have to fear feel or what unless you have dreams. be it good or bad but when you wake upp its gone. den all you have to do is fall backk aslp to forget it all. i'm sorry i'm just in a really bad mood again...nothing seems to help. i'm just lyk that. i want my shorts backk la fuck. i can't ask for it backk my dad scolded me. my mom reprimanded me. fucking hell they seriously don't understand. sometimes i even feel that no ones understands me!mayb its cos i don't give them a chance?i don't know. ok maybe i should stop borin my readers & just stop all this endless whinin & self pitiness.

31st august 2oo6
what do YOU know?
living in your lyf of luxury w/o care
having a sliver spoon in your mouth since birth you all.
w/o much pain & hatred.
havin fun & normal breakups which is nothing to you makin a big deal outta it
ever expirince what i went thru?
no?
SHUDDAP!
i think ultimately vic is the one & only 1 who did...
mayb worse den me...?
sigh screw the whole world..
11.15.p.m.

[[frolickin]]

2006-08-28T05:58:00.000-07:00

o.0 theres gonna be some kinda stuff going on at sentosa on de 1st of september. hahahs i wanna go! 6pm-6am woah i doubt so i cann... x((anyway...

HAPPY 1ST MONTH ANNI SWEETIE!

nothing much to blog about but HEYY BAYBEH!I LOVE YOU YEA?i don't care how you look lyk or what other ppl think...just don't...DON'T change the way you treat me baybeh!MMMUAAHHH!!

HEY MY DEAREST BROTHER[now dArling you don't go jealous again hor... xDD]
I LOVE PLAYING WITH YOUR HAIR!HAHA
SO SOFT & EASY TO MESS!!
<33s

i love my la0g0ng & bestie!!
i love my 2 baybehs.
muahh!
28th august 2oo6
8.56.p.m.
grahh TUITION!
T.T

2006-08-27T07:58:00.000-07:00

sigh i'm sick of this
to make matter worse dArling has thath jealousy twige in him again. bloody hell i'm rather sick of this. i care ok? i really do? i love you but you just simply claim you can't feel it sometimes. somehow somewhat i get pissed somehow...i know you care you love me & want the best for me but can't you c dArling...i lyk tohave my freedom sometyms w/o you gettin jealous...& when you get jealous over the slightest thing i get pissed. & when i get pissed i wanna b left alone & you think i'm ignorin you ,thou i partially am, and you start apologisin & sayin stuff that when i read it cuts me. can't you c?i never said you are not a good bf. i never said you couldn give me happiness. i'm happy just lyk dat. i may lyk rich guys good lookin guys but i never asked of that qualities to b in my boyfriend. i just want my bf to treat my good & is willing to b by my side no matter what happen.zlich simple thats all. some1 who i cann b with the rest of my lyf contented & happy. don;t you c?thats ALL!I LOVE YOU!i don't care what others say. you treat me well enuff. the stuff you did for me incomparable. the things you went thru. ok? dArling? i think one day we should just sit down n trash everything out that is if i find the guts to one day...

baBy i really love you...
please?
onehgai...

[[la0g0ng...]]

2006-08-27T07:45:00.000-07:00

[[?mark]]

2006-08-27T07:27:00.000-07:00

sigh i'm feeling that again. i don't know why. i'm feeling the agony of having to be sensitive & putting others before me & all.i wish i'm heartless somethimes. THEN i cann do whatever i want without thinking how ppl felt & feeling bad & all. this sucks la....

i hate you ok? i can't stand you! your hypocritical behaviour. your acting & all. i shall talk about all. but i shall name no names. you who act lyk you care for me but you don't...act lyk you're damn big & all,flirt around so much...made a fool outta me.i didn say anything ok. you hypocritical person. you really sometimes...sigh i don't know...disappoint me by the things you do. i care for you as a fren but sometimes you cann really make me destest you. can't you c? de stuupid things you do aint of any use. i hate the way you are. stuupid coward.
and you. you stuupid bloodeh backstabber. you said you wont't tell her. you think i don't know but i know you told her everything. that i didn't realy lyk her & made her hate me. that everything i said. i'm am being very nice ok? by not spilling the beans & telling her. by not betrsying you lyk what you did to me.by not making her hate you by not lettin her know you betrayed her too. i put my trust in you & you made me lose it. precisely why i don't tell you stuff anymore. you were right to trust me cause i haven for heaven sake said anything about it to her at all.think about it. de disappointment you lead me. & the way you act...fed upp with everything & all? i don't know why...i am literally pissed off with you...don't understand y do i even bother to console you & try n help you work things out...
you...who act so childishly...you who think you are damn popular & so damnnnnn ass. i tot i could trust you. only to have known you backstabbed me to my boyfriend. i don't know is it considered backstabbin...but still. i lost faith in you. everything i've done for you...de damn tears...you even flirted with him...the person i care so much for...even thou you have a boyfriend...zanen desu neh...
so many others more...sadly lately i think it might b cos of friends & all these that keep me so burdened...so tired...so sick of everything. i'm bored of everything...you guys'll never understand how do i realy feel...it's lyk some...weigh?i don't know...i find that its hard hard HARD to trust anyone now...de few that i cann really really really REALLY TRUST! is my dEaR brother szetoh, my dEaR la0g0ng, & my crazy friends...gilbert, jason, dean, nigel, angie & a few others. now you know ahy do i lyk to hang out with em more?now you know why i don't have tym for some of you in school?i feel no need to nurture any strong friendship from our school...other den yunting. i realised our school is made upp mainly of backkstabbin...yes even rachel did...i'm not saying everyone is but ya...i just fel that way...the world is so hypocritical...n n.....i miss the crazy mad days. bowlin with lionel & all...i miss lionel...crazy guy...i miss sherlyn...wonder how is she...i miss rain baByy..sigh...all this sucks...

OK!!*slaps myself*NO MORE BRONG DRONNIN!!
went scince center with la0g0ng. had fun. too bad de dino exibit is gone...T.T wahlao i wanna c wann leh...hurmphf...anyway after dat we went take neos...xDD had funn~!
& &...I NEED GO ON A DIET DAMN I'M GETTIN FATTER!!x((

i'm still keepin 2 things inside of me. that i don't want to say for anything in the world...don't force it out of me...1 is rather obvious i think but the other one...still no 1 even suspect it...

guilty concious...
a world built mainly base on hypocritical comments.
sacarsm.
lies.
hatred.
backstabbin...
cann it survived?
27 august 2oo6
1o.21.p.m.
survival of the fittest.

[[phew]]

2006-08-24T07:30:00.000-07:00

*phew* heaves a sigh of relieve. toh is SAFE & SOUND! ggrrr. made me so worried. i won't forgive him. HAHA! ANYWAY~! GGGRRR!!!RAR!!!SO MADD!!!RAHHH!!!MY ART!!T.T screw it la mdm lim & her high standard. sigh. if only. i feel so dead now. prolly will flunk everything n retain n den drop out den den den den....GRAHHH!!...FRIGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!ARR!! don't care le la.

school dropout

[[full of worries]]

2006-08-23T07:10:00.000-07:00

sigh. i've got a head full of worries now. but my main 3 worries are -

dAr ; falling sick. i think i passed my germs to him...sigh...
ewEn ; stuupid idiot broke his bone by fallin i think. x(( in front of me somemore. sigh.

but de most important now to me is a friend whom is endaangering his lyf.
szetoh ; STUUPID SHYT HEAD YOU DIE TOMORROW I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!

sigh i pray everything will go well. dammit. i'm worryin about em 3...n n...grahhh!!i don't know...i love em 3 alot!! but ehh. i won't state who do i love most. DUH not szetoh. lol he's my BROTHER! lol. sigh. take care take care my friends. i don't want to see the last of you yet...

some thing stuupid...

width="240" height="180"
alt="Hottie Undertaking Intense Zeniths and Hot, Erotic Necking"
border="0">
=.=

ok this is a farnie 1

width="240" height="180"
alt="Dreamy One Needing Orgasms and Velvety, Arousing Necking"
border="0">

width="240" height="180"
alt="Expert Willingly Exchanging Necking"
border="0">

width="240" height="180"
alt="Jewel Offering Erotic Yeses"
border="0">
=.= lol

width="240" height="180"
alt="Stud Zealously Exchanging Thrilling Orgasms and Hugs"
border="0">

LOL

width="240" height="180"
alt="Marvelous Adonis Readily Volunteering Yummy Necking"
border="0">

worrisome 3. sigh
23 august 2oo6
1o.17.p.m.

[[damn ewEn sigh]]

2006-08-23T03:27:00.000-07:00

DAMN I FEEL FUSTRATED!
damn i dowan fail my art
damn i dowan fail my math
damn i dowan fail my chi
damn this damn that
kao aye!
i'm droppin in everything
i'm being an ahlian shythead
dammit!
what's going on?
ggrrr!!
i'm feeling damn fustrated!

dammit do you understand?i'm still thrivin on pure hope alone!damn i wish i cann stop this feeling. my art is lyk...grahh? i don't know anymore...i don't know wad shyt. dammit. went to play lan with don toh caspar ewEn & etc. rather fun. mark today as de 1st day i kena monster kill. still. damn. i feel fustrated. i lost my mood to do art. dammit i hate this. i ain't thriving properly. damnation i miss him. but i can't show. i know la0g0ng read this won't b happy but just damn it i wanna b able to express myself freely. damn he's cute damn i hate the way he is now. y'd hell he change so much? clubber? damn wad de hell is he thinkin? damn i wish i'd stop sayin damn. hell la i wish he cann revert backk to the him i used to know & i cann revert backk to my good lil angelic self dammit. this sucks la. i'll prolly retain this year la kns.

& to think i tot you were real.
(dAr that's not meant for you)
23 august 2oo6
6.28.p.m.
CRAP LA JUST FLUNK MY ART LA!

[[A N T M]]

2006-08-21T08:13:00.000-07:00

damn dat's freaky!00 remember last season america nxt top model? well de winner nicole is damn cute okayys! & her look alike appears on this season. karry i think. they are lyk damn cute? but then there is this rather cute korean asian. don't remember her name. =) budden again on the other hand there is this OH I'M SO PERFECT NO ONE CANN BEAT ME STUCK UPP BYTCH CALLED Jay i think. YUCKS GET HER OUT! she makes me PUKE! that's lyk UUUHHHH! WHATEVER!

anyway. i hardly blogg now. sunny paradise with my darling LALALA~! nada. hahahas i love my shWEET dArling okayys!! muAAHH!! his parents are nice. hrmm. he haven called me yet i wonder what happened to him. oh wells. sure hope lyf gets better.

i see you
my one & only
sweet baBy
this can't b real cann it?
i love you!

21st august 2oo6
will this really last?
too good to be true.
11.o7.p.m.

[[sigh]]

2006-08-18T06:56:00.000-07:00

ok sorry for the lagg in bloggin.

1st today had fun eatin ramen with my parent. not say fun but enjpayble. that place rawks. at bras barsah or something liddat. 195 goes there. love it.

don't know what the hell is wrong wad the hell you're thinkin wad the hell is goin & wad the hell do you mean. wad is wrong wad stuff i don't know! sometime stuff you heard might b misinterpreted or golden age era stuff or dunnoe wad. hell you i don't think i wann care le. if this goes on i think.... zzZz. mayb we ain't mayb we are. i'm feelin a mixture of feelin now. hell you.

somehow somewhat no matter how much love he showers me i sometimes still feel lonely...mayb cos the presense of that guy still lurks around deep down. ok i'm in a bad mood. tym to go & soak in the tub & forget it all.

i thought this was perfect....
too bad...
18 august 2oo6
9.57.p.m.

[[<33s]]

2006-08-13T06:44:00.000-07:00

LALALA~!I LOVE TODAY!!MUAHHH!!
had so much fun with dAr & his parents. hahahs they are so nice!xD & his parent's friends too. tessie is so cute okayys!!ahahhas & his sis chloe is rather cute too! hahahs~!bweeeh~!pool eat & all. LALALA! his mom is nice & his dad is farnie. hahhas okayys & today some happ. x| xD shaldn say wad but i shall mark this day. nothing much.
<33s
HEY BABY I LOVE YA!!
STAY WITH ME FOREVER AYES?
DON'T CHANGE THE WAY YOU ARE COS ITS YOU & YOUR BEAUTIFUL SOUL DAT I LOVE!
its not how you look lyk its simply just how you treat me & everything.
grow stronger my dEaR i l u.

THIS FEELING'S LYK NO OTHER,
I WANT YOU TO KNOW~!

i simple love my baBy & high school musical.
13 August 2oo6
9.46.p.m.

[[-]]

2006-08-11T07:39:00.000-07:00

its hurts more then you think it does.
sorRy ain't gonna do any much good.

[[everything goes wrong...!?!]]

2006-08-11T06:59:00.000-07:00

have you ever had these days in a row where you felt everything just seem to go all wrong & weird & you feel so trapped & all? well welcome to my current situation. seems lyk everything is wrong crash bang sham down. i'm sick & weak ok NOT so weak but yea, i feel very weak but seems lyk...i can't really show my fatigue. somehow somewhat i'm beginnin to get this feeling...i'm sick of life. me & joey, seems lyk we're drifting......ewEn & i. no talk zlich nothing. he?no trust. seems lyk i'm a liar to him. quarreled with one of my few close frens. she's now rather distant...no wait. more lyk VERY distant. i miss angie. i miss pho. i miss december 'o5. i feel depressed. i know SOME ppl who happen to read this might b rejoycin cos due to some unknown fact seems lyk dey don't lyk me so yupps. let them b happy. & in de 1st place if dey don't lyk me dey shldn't b here so ya. dey seem to have alot of free tym? feedin on ppl's sadness. pathetic. it's gettin harder & harder to breathe. somehow somewhat. let me go. to a place far beyond your imagination full of peace love joy happiness. where the air is fresh the grass is green the lakes are clear the surrondings beautiful.

sittin upp upon her lonely bed she thought.
what am i doin to myself & my lyf?
do i have someone who really understands me?
i tot i found him but seems lyk he was a fraud.
both of em.
friend plenty.
real friends?
just a handful.
sometime i doubt my judgement.
seem lyk it has proven me wrong lately.
both on friends & loved ones.
seems lyk even i can't trust myself.
i'm destroyin myself.
sick & tired of it all.
BAH!
people are selfish!
i don't care if u wanna include me!
think about it!
for my close ones & loved ones i went all out to help em!
& wad SHYT do i GET?
HURT PAIN TEARS LIES FRAUDS!
WHATS THE USE OF IT ALL?
SCREW THIS WORLD SCREW IT ALL!
I STILL CAN'T FORGET IT ALL!
EVERY SINGLE SCAR HURT & PAIN EVER LEFT EVEN MY LIFE!
EVEN THE ONE WHEN I WAS IN KINDERGARDEN!
I'M NOT ALL SMILES CHEERS & LAUGHTER!
I'M NOT MADE OF HAPPINESS!
I DON'T KNOW WHERE OR WHAT AM I NOW!
I'M LOST TRAPPED & DAZED!
I LYK BEING ALONE!
I DON'T LYK BEING WITH PPL I DON'T FEEL OK WITH WITH!
I DON'T LYK BEING FORCED!
I DON'T LYK BEING PRESSURISED!
I FEEL LYK A BITCH A SLUT & EVERYTHING BAD!
I FEEL USELESS!
I just waNT TO DIE!
RID ME of this WORLD!

when the world crashes down
you know your support is gone
you cann take it all yourself no longer.
you crash & everything else is black.
living alone
it just seems.
to b so lonely....
once upon a december when dreams came ture & happiness was real.

sick to death
bringin everything to my grave.
11 august 2oo6
1o.18.p.m.
freedom eternal happiness love forever peace & joy.
all unreal.
freedom wanted.

[[wadever]]

2006-08-09T08:19:00.000-07:00

post removed

both was at fault

nothing much to say

=))

<33s dAr
thanks for being der for me

DOTA MADNESS!!
BNET BWEEH!!
hahahs pwner...NOT xD

mayb someday i cann totally get over you.

anon fess upp who are you?
did i offend you?
i know who is ah girl le =))

spammers at my blog
SHOO!!xDD

o9 august 2oo6
chocolate fondue madness
11.16.p.m.

[[boredom]]

2006-08-06T07:11:00.000-07:00

today went far east brought ring missha & straight cut jeans. lalala boredom

I WANNA GO BACK BOTANICAL GARDEN AGAIN!!MUAHH!!

i still miss him....

o6 august 2oo6
1o.17.p.m.

[[szetoh]]

2006-08-05T06:35:00.000-07:00

3 hrs of tuition simply sucks. so borin!hahahs. went out n all. nothing much pretty much de same few stuff. dean shane wayen don szetoh yupps=))

tonight.
the sky was especially nice.
just lyk wad i've wished for it to be.....
but the fact is that you were not der with me.
& you never will be.......

i don't know i'm confused.
mayb i lyk him...
i don't know...
sometimes...
it really feel good to be with him just chattin =))

two shot bang
both gone
wassup man?
twice gone
but one still has thy lingerin bitter sweet taste
desist my dEaR

o5 august 2oo6
11.36.p.m.

[[rushaye]]

2006-08-04T09:24:00.000-07:00

ok cant blog much kinda in a rush to slp =)

went out with dar to shop for his clothes. he looks so cute ok!hahahs. went to ACS b opp at waffletown wait for szetoh met nigel , leon, alex, & etc. den went toh's hse walked a rnd at far east l8r n all den lalala. went backk beauty world saw kittens super duper CUTE!GRAHH!!!den dota with a lot of ppl. some twins dom dean shane wayne etc. LALLAA

mayb boy i'm really follin for you
mayb kinda hard.
shld i resist?
i fear...
& i don't know...
lyks love huggs kisses fear

o5 August 2oo6
12.18.p.m.
feed da kittens!!!!!!xD

[[stuupid art lessons!!]]

2006-08-03T07:32:00.000-07:00

GRAHH!!!NOT IN A HAPPY MAD JOYOUS MOOD!!GGGRRR!!SHLDN HAVE WENT SCHOOL!!

went school den went for art. mdm lim PMS! send us all out stand cos we never bring a stuupid dragon fruit & also cos our canvas wasn't completed. NONSENSE LUH! she scold scold scold den l8r went off to mrs daphne & call us except for alicia cos she brought a carrot!?!=.= zzZz. den stand outside staff office dat stuupid !@#$%^!@#$%^@$%^ scold so many shyt!wad our class disgustin UHH?not farnie ok!scold scold scold!not true also spat it all out. don't make me slap u arh! wasted our tym 5 periods out der standin & all!den after dat nothing much den dunnoe if i shld sign out but i decided not to. did this stuupid retarded thingy for the national days rehersal i think? den aft school wad de hell i stayed backk n all den i said i had tuition den she called my dad n asked him to postphone n all.kao peng siong also same thing...gggrrr!!SO ANGRY I CRIED & CALLED SZETOH N BLURTED A HELL LOTA VULGARITIES!!!@#$%!@#$%^&*!@$%^&*!@#$%^&#$%^& GRAHH!!den stayed lo n no mood i anyhow paint den mdm lim tell me not up to standard for me need to do better & i was lyk!?!?!?!?!she told me she'll make me stay until 1o if i don't complete. hell angry luh!she want CH dat standard?i slosh all de paint arnd set le lo! so i told her i adjust a bit more i HAD to go n she was lyk no no no i'm de teacher BLAH BLAH BLAH!zzZz!!den l8r after a while i told her ok le la k?den she FINALLY let me off den i went opp school meet szetoh den we went to eat at KAP met gil jason & his junior den aft a while me n toh left. came my house watch high school musical. kao szetoh if wad u said abt dat white thing is real i'm gonna kill him!GGGRR!!xDD

sigh i don't know what to say
stuff dat she is doin lyk hell i've tot b4
but i didn cos for WAD?
she wanna do stuupid stuff she's just gettin de guy she loves into trouble.
sometyms i wonder wad is goin thru her mind whether does she thinks at all
she does things lyk dey would bring him back?
i would have stray last tym last term if it wasn for my frens
who've been here for me
especially szetoh whom whenever i feel de pain stabbin on me i'll just sms & go mad on em.
der are other frens too.
i would have been a goner
if it weren for them
thank you so much =))

in de morning & afternoons at happy as i seem to be its de night dat worries me
supressin att the agnony deep within me
it cann never stay for long & it just seems to be
that only in the night will thy pain burst free

if you were to ever c how i am in de night u might not know me
the difference in character too different for you to see
the pain withn my eyes so deep you might not understand
but the everlasting truth is that i still love him

for now for eternal i do so dare say
i'll love him so much that its unbearable for me
he caes abt ppl but i don't really know
if i'm actually alive in his eye

so maybe once more let me say this out loud
i love you for now & for eternity

lovE lovE lovE YOU!
3rd august 2oo6
1o.58.p.m.

[[i tot you were my fantasy]]

2006-08-02T06:54:00.000-07:00

hooked onto hight school musical

went school n yada yada. *yawns* nothing much. went KAP meet don joni szetoh norman some short guy n dunno who n who. nothing much. went play dota. shane dean gil don choy me toh. yada yada.

i said i'll try
so i will
=)
i'm gettin much better with this i THINK xD

i tot you were my fantasy
a dream come true for you & me

[[pink knife]]

2006-08-01T03:15:00.000-07:00

didn go school. woke upp feelin damn sick. on de way out to meet pho angie n toh mom called. told me if i go out n dad found out he'll whack me cos he ain't happy with my math results. don't care. don came after a while n lala nothing much. b4 alightin de bus found out he meetin him. kao i was so.......i went staight to the prov shop bear my condo n ask if dey sold...........i got it now nxt to me.

i'm in a foul mood.
der goes america
der goes him
der goes my alot of sstuff

hell not in de mood to blog

n i have tuition l8r.
fuck

o1 august 2oo6
6.17.p.m.

[[never get you back]]

2006-07-31T08:44:00.000-07:00

ok went school did de hannah thingy n all. nothing much luh so sian. den l8r went home met toh ate pizza. pho n angie came dom n don was here too. angie pho toh n i went arnd walk n all. lols den l8r we went kap. angie n o went off. talk to don. dom went off. gil n son came den toh gil n son wen bukit timah eat, found out so much stuff from don.

WAYNE!
KAO! wad hell did i do uhh? UHH? i did warn him b4 dat even if me n him are together i might unintentionally hurt him wad RIGHT? i know you're thinkin i'm a bitch now or some sot cos of reasons lyk COS I CAN'T GET OVER EWEN! COS I WANTED TO START SMOKIN! or some what liddat. wadever. i don't really care. if bein nice is of no use den so b it.

*he never had a stead go backk to him-
*he plays non-stop-
*he never changed from a long tym ago-
*he will never want me backk-
*prolly just finished with someone-
*liar-

i say it i mean it.
i'll take this love to the grave with me.
BUT.
i still might just wish things cann get better.
many many things wizzin thru my mind.
i just wish...
i cann switch my bf's char with his.
total perfection.
to me.

ya all think i'm happy with him now.
hell no i'm not.
yes he knows.
he made me promise not to keep anything from he n vice versa.
so i told him de truth.
i'll never b happy in de hands of some1 else.
he said he'll try his best.
his sincerity touched me.
a thing i tot dat guy had but was a fruad.
been in a rather bad mood.
more lyk moody anyway.
my appetite a lil...
too much of else no appetite...
GRAHH!
i feel lyk i lost something.
wad is it cann you help me find?
i really wonder wad is it.
this weird empty gap hole...
& i still haven brought my pen knife.................................
mayb u should really just just...
JUMP DOWN THIS GODDAMN BUILDIN NOW!

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j'mm mpwf zpv gps mjgf fxFoOz
ju's zpv j mpvf zpv j xbnu
j sfbmmz xbou zpv cbdll gpr mjgf gpr fufsobm
1314 3344
tfsjpvtmz nz ifbsu xbt zpvrt gspn uif cfhjoojoh
zpv kvtu uppl ju.
qmbzfe xiui ju
ivsu ju
tibuufgfe ju
xibu nprf ep zpv xbou?

forever for eternal

31st Jul 2oo6
11.39.p.m.
there's no 1 lyk you

[[donovan]]

2006-07-30T08:07:00.000-07:00

i'm hurt.
again i really am.
i just wanma cry.
dEaR, dAR?
i'm really sorry
i feel your love i swear
but still
its him dat i love him dat i want
that bastard i don't know why!
somehow i know you are true to me
not lyk him
but still
i don't know why
i wanna cry
cry till i finally die
rather dumb
i love ewEn so fuckin much
but hell lyk he cares
some tyms i wonder wad is goin on
hell it hurts
tears just flow abundantly non-stop down
for you
for ewEn
for myself
y'd i have to go thru all this uhh?
I DON'T UNDERSTAND I ONLY KNOW MY OWN SELFISHNESS NOW!
I WANT HIM I REALLY DO!
& I'M SORRY FOR THE REPEATED TYMS I HURTED YOU.
I DIDN'T MEANT FOR YOU TO LOVE ME THIS MUCH I SWEAR!
I'M SO SORRY I REALLY AM!
but it never will b........
its him i love him dat i want
i know i'm selfish
but i've given upp so much for him
i don't know wad to do anymore...
i really am lost.
i'm sorRy all...

so much unsaid words
so much unsheded tears
so much pain kept within
cann this be real?
this nightmare i am livin thru
when cann i see the light?
shinin thru thy darkness showin me the way
coldness seepin.
its gonna b over soon.
blood a flowin.
tyms a tickin.
satan came & i'm gone.
a person deemed unworthy to be with jesus
dEaD

[[ewEn ewEn ewEn ewEn]]

2006-07-30T05:57:00.000-07:00

sigh i don't know wad is wrong....ytd night i was lyk mad n i tried everything. from glass bits to teeny scissors to big ones. none worked. only have a damn small cut. wad de hell? dat does it im gonna get a pen knife!

went church janet n candy quarreled again n totally spoilt my mood. mun wai, hui yang, idiot n shortie xp went ps with me n toh joined up. went eat den play arcade den me n toh met sarahh den we decided to go bugis but sarahh couldn go. x\ budden on de train some1 so called tried to rob sarahh. kena caught but one guy n he denied. stuupid shyt hummer!got guts do git guts admit! don't bully sarah!! den me n toh went eat seoul took neo for fun den went meet don dean shane dota. wayne came after a while. nothing much.

after so long i feel so lost.
i don't understand.
y is de pain yet so fresh?
i don't understand.
i really don't.
this doesn't make sense.
wad's really going on...
i'm confused.....

2oth July 2oo6
9.11.p.m.
new addiction - high school musical

[[hurts]]

2006-07-29T06:38:00.000-07:00

i'm feelin rather stuupid now...i feel lyk lookin for it again...

met don n joe at westmall den came my hse met sha den toh came whilst i was doin some stuupid cookin thingy den joe n sha ate n den went swimmin den don lewft cos his parents wanted him backk den after a while toh n i went eat hokkien mee n half way talkin abt some stuff i lost my appetite so we went to play dota.tried something stuupid but glass didn work neither did sissors. nothing did. i just want backk my old tool which is lost.

i'm so confused
mayb pho n angie was right
i shouldn have start with him...
i don't know le la

it hurts to be standin nxt to u & know dat you'll never b mine
you're so near & yet so far
y did it have to happen?
the wounds so real
the pain so fresh
contradiction
frauds
lies
try & b in my position
it hurts

husky sexy voice
cute features
gr8 bod
perfect
all just to me only
once was mine now gone
29 July 2oo6
i feel lyk i am betrayin my bf
1o.oo.p.m.

[[went out with ewEn!!& de day it started]]

2006-07-28T21:28:00.000-07:00

1st of all. a weird news. i'm attached again. no i'm not happy no i'm not sad. i'm just neutral.

YTD!
make it short i need to meet him at westmall. history class was a blast but scary in a way. went home he came my house to talk den he gave me tym to consider n i gave him many reason y i didn't want to start but he blocked em all n said he don't mind just give it a try no matter how much i think of my dat certain ex he doesn care. oh wells. kinda under pressure so i said ok. wonder if it was wrong. x(( den go ready toh came my house den we went to meet nigel n den went cine. ewEn was der alrdy xDD den dey PANG ME! lols. toh n nig went taka get some stuff...=.= ewEn went to walk arnd. x(( den l8r after a darn long tym...angie n pho came n den pho called ewEn den he joined us den after 5mins de two idiots came backk. went play dota n I'M SO SORRY ANGIE & PHO I PANG YOU GIRLS!!x(( me n ewEn against nigel n toh. den l8r after dat ewEn hadda go so we 4 of us, went city hall look for jason. stuupid guy was retard i dowan say y but it involves flowers. lols. den my bf, i'm sorry i ain't use to sayin my dEaR for his case n sayin i love him either, wanted to walk me home so i was lyk...x| bo bian so we took bus to bukit timah wantin to eat supper my dad n sis called n sis wanted to pick me upp. SO SORRY! I PANG YOU ALL!! home ate n slept at 1.3o.

i still love him a lot a lot a lot.
i feel so...
GRAHH!!
i'm so happy i finally got to see him upp close after some tym!!
GRAHH!!
i forgot how much i love his everything & i forgotten how his voice sounded lyk n how cute he was n how i loved his built n SHUDDAP!!GRAHH!!
i gotta stop.
but yea.
i almost forgotten.
sigh.

my current stead is gawd darn nice to me but...
i don't feel right.
i feel guilty.
thinkin so much abt my ex.
i don't know...
if i'm doin de right thing...
he's doin stuff dat de guy i loved nv did b4.
am kinda touched but...
no its not right.....
i feel bad.
i feel...
i don't know...
i only am thinkin of a certain guy only again...
i wanna c him again...
i wanna hear his voice.
fish la y am i so despo for him!?!?!?!

mayb some day some how i might forget you.
mayb some tym some where you might get backk with me.
nahhs who am i kiddin?

no promises
we might not go long
i'm sorry
but u alrdy said ok to wad conditions i told u
dat we might not go long
n yupps
i'm sorry

29 july 2oo6
12.45.p.m.
28th july 2oo6 was de date
but i'm not very...
happy?
i'm kinda wishin it was...
2o.12.o5

[[slit 3]]

2006-07-27T07:15:00.000-07:00

went school n was OK la. lols so sian cann? den went home change den went KAP wait for toh n nigel. den dey came talked den angie came. we had a 2omins of spasticsm n den she went off for her paino class i think. lols. went market to eat. don came n den left. gil n jason came dey ate den we went backk kap join chua n erm 1 more guy called erm idunnoe la. lols. den felt moody. i don't really think i wanna blog abt wad happ n wad i did....

ok u happy?
i flirtin with u la ok!
ask so much kao.
dowan believe me wad.
so fine i flirtin with u la happy?
forget abt wad i did forget abt de deadline
WE'LL NEVER B TOGETHER!
i won't tolerate this any longer...
u are overly jealous & you don't believe me
trust n loyalty is de foundation of a sturdy relationship TOOTS!
wadever
you're so gone
n i regret wad i did

YAY TOMORROW!!
can't wait i really hope he goes...
please please please please please.
i'm all filled upp with hope again don't burst it. xD

i'm in a LALALALALALALA kinda mood~!!
BWEEH!
BEN & JERRYS!!
loves
27 july 2oo6
1o.16.p.m.

[[smoke]]

2006-07-26T08:06:00.000-07:00

zzZz...SORRY!

woke upp a lil late n didn wanted to go school because of wad i heard ytd n i knew if i went school i would not stop thinkin abt it & i'll end upp doin something stuupid. so i told dad to drop me off opp school so i cann go in late to skip assembly. went der n saw my juniors. william sherlyn eric jason & erm my vb junior. ate roti prata den my vb junior went backk school whilst de rest of us went clem. brought a pack of cig & dey went to smoke. was offered but i declined but i took a stick to keep. in case. den went KAP to eat. fooled arnd. lols. william bcame my godbro. lols. den went home change n came out meet toh don & wayne. pho & angie came n den l8r gil. ANGIE & PHO I LOVE YOU!=) l8r went don's house den he WALKED me home. pei-ed me n tried to talk me outta doin something stuupid. i did something again.

wayne.
i'm sorRy if i made you angry.
but frankly.
i didn't do anythign wrong...
i haven even TOUCHED it yet...
i can't make empty promises & don't blow upp on me again

Don
i'm sorRy for makin u worried
no empty promises

i won't say much anymore as i just wanna say i apologise for makin my frens worried & upset. won't say who else.

i don't know why i'm lyk dat.
mayb is really cause of wad i found out ytd.
it really hurts.
to know it was all a sweet lie.
n in de end wad do i get?
a shattered heart.

i'm in no mood to blog.
i'm in a horrible mood now.
i ate quite an amount just now & i'm still hungry.
goes to show how bad my mood is now.

I'm sick of smiling when i don't mean it.
i'm not an all sunshine girl.
sometyms when i smile its cold or i don't mean it or i'm cryin inside.

you asked me if der was any way for me to NOT take one.
der is but it is a promise i'll make to only one person.

dude thanks for your offer.
for being with me to help me forget him & even if i still love him & think of him.
i'm not sure if i wanna...

some birthday.
26 july 2oo6
11.o1.p.m.

[[lieS!!]]

2006-07-25T07:38:00.000-07:00

i'm not in a very BIRTHDAYYIE mood now.
in fact.
this feeling sucks.
big tym.

went school lala nothing different. just had a lot of well wishes. den aft school went don's house to 'dress' him upp den he came my hse whilst i went to change. etc etc etc. met szetoh at BK at PS. den went play pool. kehsien gor came n watched us den he passed my my gift. erm it is a jar with stars in it. quite alot. den went dota. hsien n i againt don n toh. den don toh n i cabbed home. i alighted at don's hse n i did something. don't wanna say wad.

today aint a good day.
woke up with a very BAD sore eye.
spilled maggie mee all over myself.
uncovered de painful truth.
cried four five tyms.

nice goin.
i really am at a loss.
all lies.
never a single bit of truth in it.
i seriously wonder if you ever did NOT lie to me.
i seriously...
don't know.
i'm all ready to cry again now.
how perfect.
i'm in a damn ass bad mood.
bad day bad day on my birthday
kao la

oh wells anyway...
thanks guys for tryin to create something for me on friday...
thought i don't know wad you guys are upp to...
nigel gil jason szetoh don & others i don' know who else is involved
thank you guys so much =))
seriously thanks for tryin to help me get over him too n erm
please DO NOT SMASH A CAKE ON MY FACE!!xD

bad day bad day on my burffday
kao n my earrins are gone
WHO DE HECK TOOK IT?
25th july 2oo6
1o.55.p.m.
i think i'll go to the playgroud for a while to stone...

[[twistx]]

2006-07-24T08:01:00.000-07:00

ok shall blog

sometyms i don't know wad am i feelin actually.
sigh i feel so bad.

oh wells. went market with toh meet wayne n hokkien mee wasn't open T.T so ended upp eatin chai tao khui den went kap meet don n gil n chua n glenn. den pho val shu n char came. den aft dat toh PANG ME & went to eat hokkien mee so i went westmall with don n wayne to get my present. xP don wanted me to go cos he dunnoe wad to get. lols. den i LALALALA arnd but couldn find something under budget so lalala'ed arnd. hahahs saw this nice necklace from SK dat i lurve alot. key de. hahahs but heard it costs 168 T.T so didn get. den walked arnd i went in watterson den don n wayne went off to get something for me den i saw this linked double earrin n i brought it with the b'day cash my mom gave me. den don n wayne came n den don n i went home le. hahas

WHEE I'M KINDA HAPPY NOW~!!
he might b goin out with me n don tomorrow!!
WHEHE!!!LALALALALA!!
i really hope he cann~!
lalalalALALALALAS~!!

wheeeeeeee
24 July 2oo6
1o.56.p.m.

[[hopeless]]

2006-07-24T00:37:00.000-07:00

suppose to go out now but seriously i don't feel lyk.
sigh. i don't know why i'm feelin so helpless now.
i'm thinkin of all the stuupid stuff.
this is shyt.
i don't know why luh.
maybe it is cos...
ya i seriously think so.

no matter wad i do
no matter wad i say
it will nv b the same

kao kao kao kao KAO AYE!
sigh i wish this feelin will go away.
i'm feelin all weird now.
i feel lyk takin a....
ok better not say l8r zj dey all come whack me.
sigh.
i feel very fan.
i wish i canntear my heart out & stop it from beating
i wish i cann numb myself from feelin anything
i wish i cann b cold
heartless
so i don't have to feel guilt for him
pain for my past
heartache for that
etc.
y do i have to b such an emo bitch?
i sometyms just really wanna....
sigh i wish i cann die now.
livin is sian n i'm sick of lyf alrdy at this age.
i feel helpless
hopeless
despair & i wonder
how will de future b lyk?
just a few mins ago b4 i reached home de futured looked good.
but when i came home n chck some stuff.
it looks dull.
sucks.
i really wish i really do
i can't feel athing
dat i cann join my heavenly father in heaven right now.
i wann b in peace away from it all.
heartaches pain guilt sadness remorse it all
i'm tired of wakin upp
& hopin for just the same thing all along
i won't blog abt wad.
but still.
i'm tired.
i really am.
goin to sleep wishin of the same thing
always just that thing
that day
if i really comes true
i vow to never let it go so easily anymore.
but oh well
FORGET IT!
this is the pits
if this is all there is to MY lyf
i'd rather i took dat plung durin p6.
i'd rather i was never saved from my illness when i was young.
i'd rather i was lost in taiwan dat tym & never found my parents
i'd rather i was never born
damn
this is damn emo.
i really gotta stop.
i'm tired.
thinkin of so much things
i want it backk i really do
help
help
heLP
HELP!

entrappedwithin thy darkness
set me free

[[irritated]]

2006-07-24T00:22:00.000-07:00

KAO AYE!
STOP IT WILL YA?
i've been nice with a capital N
i'm NOT to b taken advantage of!
GGGRRR!!
i alrdy said we WON'T b able to b together
i persuaded you to give up
wad more do you wann?
i've told u de truth le wad.
i seriously don't know wad more do you wann
i've been nice i tolerated most of it
don't push my limits
lyk i said you are just a crush n i wont b with you le wad right?
kao kao KAO AYE!
i don't know le luh!
i give up i don't care anymore
sorry

school was pretty fun. just found out dat jj n his stead broke last month. sigh waddaya know?i feel so sad for him...two years plus just gone liddat?hrmm...sorry zj.thanks for wantin to pon trainin to eat with me tomorrow but i'm meetin frens le...x| gawd. clifford was bein a hentai again...sian i dowan talk abt it. school's pretty enjoyable lately. hahahas.after school at de bus stop i saw bryan boey. lols. he look so guai in his school U ya know? hahahs. den wayne was at dat stop too n he passed me my present. =.= i wonder wad's inside. SO BIG! KAO!lols!

kayys shall blog no more.
i seriously hope things get better from here on
i l u
24 july 2oo6
3.27.p.m.
oh wells gotta go out now T.T

[[I SAW EWEN!!xDD]]

2006-07-23T07:08:00.000-07:00

TADAIIMA~!
ALRIGHTS~!
i shall blog now.
feelin sooo high~!!
hahhas!!

lalalas lyk i said i overslept den i ate roti prata for breakfast/lunch. lols den on de way out whilst i was walkin to de bus stop PHO called me n told me she was at ps n asked if i was der cos she saw jason n gil dey all...lols i was lyk i'm on de way but i'm not meetin em?hahahs. lols den went der told pho i was der n i walked arnd lookin for another think white band. hahahs. toh came den pho called n we went arcade find her n n whilst she was dancin i saw i saw...YIII!!!I SAW EWEN!!LALALAA!!HAHAHAHAHA!!lols ok nvm. he comes my blog now so i gotta cut dwn on this le...yupps any way i para-ed a bit with pho den dey went to watch movie whilst i went to do my hair at jean yip & lols. b4 de movie started dey came n sit down outside & he came to join dem n i was lyk...T.T wahlao i also wann talk to him de...stuupid...lols...den trim my hair n treated it.den pho n de guy left n me n toh saw lionel with his girl...lols...quite envy dem. so long le. hrmm...anyway went dota with toh den met jason at orchard mrt ate at far east LJS son went n toh n i walked arnd whilst i looked for my short shorts & white band. found de whilt band but not de shorts. T.T kao. den went home. when changin bus outside dean's house threeee guys whisleted at me...=.= den dunnoe wad dey talkin den two guys. one nery cute kinda way & another cool cute kinda type approached n asked for my number...but i didn't give...pity though but wad's de use?hahahs. den went home.

LALALA AM SO HAPPY~!!can't wait for december!!I WANNA GO USA WITH SZETOH & NIGEL!!hahahas.& &things seem to get better & better alrdy.

after it all i felt weird all day. i know whenever i see him i gotta control myself. dang it hurts.

zzZz i'm pissed with you
stop controlin me cann?
i go out with szetoh also so hard.
sigh is cos i dowan hurt you dats y i'm being NICE
jealousy so deep
kao.
i feel restricted.
i feel confined.
locked upp.
caged.
sigh stop it please.

ok here is a touchin sorta story~...=)) enjoy~!

One day, when I was a freshman in high school,
I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school.
His name was Kyle.
It looked like he was carrying all of his
books.
I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday?
He must really be a nerd."
I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.
As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him.
they ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt.
His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him.
He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes
My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye.
As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys are jerks.
They really should get lives.
" He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!"
There was a big smile on his face.
It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.
I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived.

As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before.
He said he had gone to private school before now.
I would have never hung out with a private school kid before.
We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books.
He turned out to be a pretty cool kid.
I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends
He said yes.

We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him.

Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again.
I stopped him and said, "Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!
" He just laughed and handed me half the books.

Over the next four years, ! Kyle and I became best friends.

When we were seniors, we began to think
about college.
Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I
was going to Duke.
I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem.
He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship.

Kyle was valedictorian of our class.
I teased him all the time about being a nerd.
He had to prepare a speech for graduation.
I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak

Graduation day, I saw Kyle.
He looked great.
He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school.
He filled out and actually looked good in glasses.
He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him.
Boy, sometimes I was jealous.
!
Today was one of those days.
I could see that he was nervous about his speech.
So, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll be great!"
He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled.
"! Thanks," he said.

As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began

"Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years.
Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach...but mostly your friends...
I am here to tell all of you that being a
friend to someone is the best gift you can give them.
I am going to tell you a story."
I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met.
He had planned to kill himself over the weekend.
He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home.
He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile.
"Thankfully, I was saved.
My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable."

I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment.
I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile.
Not until that moment did I realize it's depth.
Never underestimate the power of your actions.

With one small gesture you can change a person's life.
For better or for worse.
God puts us all in each other's lives to impact one another in some way.
Look for God in others.

"Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."

There is no beginning or end.. Yesterday is history.

Tomorrow is mystery.

Today is a gift.

SH-eet baBY SH-weet~!xDD
oh wells.
shall go upload my crazy amount of 3ooplus fotos hahahs

i love him oh so much
& sigh dude frankly
for YOU my feelings are on & off.
so i'll never start with you.
i'll feel uncomfortable.

SHALALA OOH HAPPY DAY~!
23 July 2oo6
1o.o3.p.m.

[[sorRy]]

2006-07-22T19:31:00.000-07:00

i've been thinkin alot.
sometyms i am tempted to rush into things but i can't.
boy i'm sorry.
i'm sorry for de lies i told de pains i've caused you.
but yet.
no.
you are only a crush to me which will fade away.
i can't & i don't wanna start with you with a guilty concious.
de guilt of lust after another guy.
no matter what you say i still don't wanta.
maybe you really are true to me.
but still.
i fear i might b decieved.
yet even if this is real,
i don't love you.
it'll never work.
to use you?
i never will.

grahh i don't know le luh. hurmphf. this is oh so agnoy-in?sianz

check this out-
adapted from www.princess-joyy.blogspot.com aka joy molina or you cann also say this cann b found in friendster.

Love is not to forget BUT to forgive,
Not to see BUT to understand,
Not to hear BUT to listen,
Not to let go BUT to hold on.
Don't ever leave the one you love for the one you like,
Because the one you like will leave you for the one they love.
Find a guy who calls you BEAUTIFUL instead of HOT,
Who calls you back when you hang up on him,
Who wil stay awake just to watch you sleep.
Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead,
Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats,
who holds your hand in front of his friends.
Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you & how lucky he is to have you.
Wait for the one that turns to his friends and says '...that's her'

SH-weet baBy SH-weet.i still love these along with some others which i THINK i pasted here on de 1st few posts. oh wells. x
supp to go church but i overslept.xp gonna go trim/cut my hair l8r.LALALA~!

heyy i didn't know ppl 'step' me lehh!!hahahas...in case you don't know it's another word for so called copy or something liddat...woah...i know of at least 5 who does dat le...muahahahs is my dressin & all so nice to 'step'? hurmphf. lols. i don't really lyk it though cos MY ORIGINALITY will b gone. cos i suddenly tot of wad we 4 were talkin abt den i realised oh ya hor?lols...anyway.i love em 4~!lalalas~!

been in a really good mood for the past sayy...5 days. hahahas...my trusted friends will know the reason why. xDD

*note i used lust to replace love not that i lust after him!!=.=

[[happy day shalala]]

2006-07-22T08:39:00.000-07:00

SHALALA~!
I HAD A HAPPY DAY TODAY~!

went art had fun but was friggin HAWT!went to gatherin area n wad de heck?SO MANY PIGEONS AND AT ONE POINT IT 'RAINED' BIRDSHYT?LOLS!!onli some guys from another school got hit...LALALA...bel was my partner as rach n janet was a diff group. got to know de netballers better n lisheng n tessa dey all. at de mrt on de way upp one guys ask for my numbah...diao?i didn't give...lols.went walk arnd with sa dey all. dey went ta smoke. lols.

met vic shiyan n cleo. shiyan looks nice vic look cute n cleo looks SLUTY BUT KAWAII~!xDD we went to pool...den whilst takin turn i went out with cleo to ***** n gossip. she asked me if i wanted one but i didn't take. den we gossiped alot. xDD abt ppl WE don't lyk. den played a while den went out with shiyan to *****. same gossiped. she asked also if ppl offer me 1 will i take...nada nich...=)) den aft dat we went take neos. met sharayln and some guy on de way to take. den went shoppin...den went fareast i brought a red polka dotted thick hairband.hahhas vic brought a top n pants at this fashion n vic asked if i *****...=.== do i look lyk de sort?hahahs...den my fren came along n we walked arnd n all...had fun.

recieved an sms from him askin me go chck my blog n i actually went cathay straight after wards but upon readin i offed de internet n cried...i walked dwn n i tot my tears were clear n my eyes normal but den dey asked y...x\ told em most of it n dey were lyk at least he knows how to b a human...?LOLS!

MUAHAHHAS!!I CAN'T WAIT FOR SHIYAN'S B'DAE ON AUGUST 21ST!CHALET AND SOMETHING BIG WILL HAPPEN!& DEVILSH!!VODKA & FUN!!bitch you'rs so gonna die.

i didn't know i was still in main 6. oh wells. heard from shar may ain't happy with me cos i didn go trainin today. you know wad? I COULDNT! i said i had de art course which last from 9 - 1! don;t believe so b it...i alrdy said. ASK MDM LIM! if i don't go i'll get another bookin!

whoo hot babes!i lurve you!lets go out again * i'm dressin lyk a slut this tym~!muahh~!

22 July 2oo6
complete my lyf
hope & sadness
11.54.p.m.

[[short]]

2006-07-21T07:53:00.000-07:00

make this short.

I'M OK WITH DON YTD LE.
told him most of it le

today
I MISSED EWEN
HE WAS AT KAP BUT TOH DOWAN LEMMI GO BACKKx((
make me moody
went dota with shane's fren shane some choy guy dean don n toh.
quite fun

now i'm in a mess
get me out get me out
stuck confused
twice
change & i'll consider
budden he said you might not wann it anymore.
oh wells
=)
i still love him alot more

[[huh...?]]

2006-07-19T06:11:00.000-07:00

sian i am SO wanna die?

went school n NA classes got scolded by Ms elaine Lim and after being scolded by de princepal i decided really tym to buck upp i dowan droppp outta school n i decided i'd better hang iwth STUDIOUS ppl so i'll b with rachel more now =) n btw...Ms Lim! do NOT pick on NA's PLEASE!?!chem supp to have test but Ms liang didn come...heng...i nv study...lols...studied with rachel lyk a good girl...heyy...studyin have thier own benefits...lols...recess den went for lessons...frankly the whole day in school i actually enjoyed myself for de 1st tym...xDD den aft school went KAP meet toh n wayne...don was der n i saw PHO and her fren i forgotten de name...lols...pho & i n her fren were lyk lauffin madness?LOL!had so much fun with em luh!!!PHO & & DAT FREN OF YOURS!!YOU RAWK BIG TYM!!MUAHH!!xDDD lalala...this is de 1st tym i enjoyed myself so much with friends...hahahs...didn talk to don AT ALL. final. he started it ok! den went off with pho went bishan with her cos i was bored n den i went home myself XD met dean ate ice cream came home...now waitin for my tuition teacher to come...x(( hahahs...shu mei is OK with me now i THINK?xD school rawks big tym today~!LALALA xDD <333s

oh ya forgotten to say...after recievin his sms ytd i wanna note i smiled from de bottom of my heart n i smile lyk AN IDIOT ON DE BUS!!HAHAHA!!!i knew ppl were lookin at me lyk i was mad BUT I WAS HAPPY~!!LALALA

gossiped so so so much today~!!hahahas...so dat's how ppl think of her...hrmm...oh wells...dowan say much...n oh wells...i guess i roughly know wad to do le luh...sigh...

btw...
pean i hate you

smilin idiot
LALALA
tomorrow...
6 days...
19 July 2oo6
9.26.p.m.
i don't have de guts to talk to you............
yet.

[[thether my anger]]

2006-07-18T08:21:00.000-07:00

you've pushed my limits.
this is as far as i cann go.
i had enuff.

ok not de point not wad i wanted to blog about.
i'm just on de verge of screamin n yellin at my mom.
she demands i do house work now lyk WAD DE HECK?
zzZz
i know i've changed
but drasticlly?
really have i?
josphy, jun, dEaR, guys.
tell me is it true?
you guys alwais with me for a long tym.
have i really?
josphy you were de 1 who told me so.
is dat true?
forget it.
i'm thinkin about alot of stuff now.
i'm really tired ya know?
of all this stuff.
problems after problems after problems
a continuation of collidable problems
never endin.
when will it end?
so much for my happy endin
i miss dEcember o5 n january o6 n MAYB feb too.
all i know of now is dat i wanna avoid de possibility of enterin another relationship
one which has no garantee.
tym tells all.
i regret leavin nic actually.
but no i don't intend on lookin backk.
cos i hurted him so i CAN'T just say i wanna go backk to him liddat + i've no feelin for him
n i regreted ditchin him for some1 who i tot would b with me forever but lyk i said.
FOREVER IS & ALWAYS WILL B A LIE.
frankly i did a stuupid thing.
i re-read wad he used to send me.
i rem dat day.
we got our ring.
zzZz
he said something to me in de night.
i forgotten about it but when i read it.
i just...
lies...
it hurts.
it really does...
i really really seriously want you backk...?
but its just...
impossible.

[[ben & jerry's mood - turned foul]]

2006-07-18T07:12:00.000-07:00

i shall try and blog in a normal mood 1st. some1 just totally destroyed my ben & jerry mood.

went school and school was pretty enjoyable. sms-ed ewEn durin recess dos sms-es lyk when lyf gets you down or something liddat. didn really expect him to reply but HEY! HE DID!=)) i was so happy thou all he did was reply another onne of em sms-es but still...XDD i was on a HIGH BEN & JERRY'S MOOD!! until dean sms-ed me stuff which dragged it dwn a lil but i tried not to...den at KAP some stuff happen...sorry but i really need to say this i've been tryin not to the whole day...KNN LA NB!!I'M PISSED ENUFF AS IT IS OK!!made me teared. i don't know if gil saw but hopefully NO!gil walked me home. nothing else.

you are alwais doin this. gettin jealous over nothing. so wad if i just sms him 1st? 's not lyk we're together or anything. was thinkin of wad should i do. you decided it for me. jealousy is ok but not over jealous ones. only if you're him den i won't say anything. lyk HELLO!! szetoh & i are just lyk FRIENDS!!gawd i really feel mean mayb i should just SHUT UP about this uhh? this is as much as i cann tolerate alrdy. i've been nice. mayb overly nice. you don't know me uhh? typical. FINE!

i wanted to blog about my english topic on ghey as it is a sensitive topic but i feel i wanna talk abt this n all. but my mood is ruined. GAWD! i'm feelin overly pissed.

18 July 2oo6
SKI nEwe
1o.48.p.m.

[[charlotte fullerton USA]]

2006-07-17T09:11:00.000-07:00

oh wells...so much stuff to blog about so lil tym...where should i start ehh?

FRIDAY -
brendan joined us for DOTA =)

SATURDAY -
dress went fullerton to celebrate me sis n mom's b'dae...ate chocolate buffet. woah...a lil too much choc for me this tym?>.< but it was a nice exp. i was in a gown n all...pics uploaded l8r...=) dad started talkin abt USA n heard dat sis's fren MIGHT b comin SO I invited nigel szetoh n don along~! but DUH dey pay demselves...xD

SUNDAY -
church n all...i wore boots...feel lyk gorgin out starin ppl's eyes...especially those malays. ARGH! i have my own dressin sense n i HAPPENED to want to dress SLUTILY you got a prob uhh?=) anyway watch pirates of de carribeans with toh...nicee...farnie n all...der is a continuation n WAD DE HECK IT LASTED 2.HALF HOUR!lols!

MONDAY -
woke upp n went school...something was wrong...i couldn breathe properly...den i saw winner faintin...i wonder wad happ...singed out aft 2 periods...bio test i did pretty well...25/3o. nice guys. wayne visited me n talk with me. told me stuff abt charlotte. oh wells i guess i have to agree. don't really lyk it. x\ truth sucks aye?xD den nigel don n toh came together...dey were mad luh!!lols. yellin n al at my house...lauffin at some ppl' friendster maplin studyin watchin teevee n all...den my aunt came home...lols...she later told me dat dey looked better den ewEn n i was lyk...!?!?!how did she know abt him n she knew dat ewEn had many exs...!?!i mean how'd she get so much info!?!?oh wells...anyw...she came home n we wentplay badminton just de 4 of us...oh ya wayne left alrdy...fooledd arnd in de court n den went to meet jason gil chua denise n etc. etc. etc at KAP. ate n left. tuition n backk here.

can't wait. if we cann really go USE together no parents woWEEE...RAWKSAMANICSTER~!we'll turn USA upside dwn mann...xp sis me nigel don toh~!woah...fun under de sun...ok COLD sun...hahahs...so excited...nigel has de highest probability of being able to go...nxt would b szetoh den don...dad agreed to it alrdy...hrmm...can't wait...

her? i dunnoe...i would lyk to lyk her but i don't really do...girl...i'm sorry if you read this but this is from de bottom of my heart. from my 1st convo n impression with/of you...it ain't good...dao-ster n you're words...i don't know...aint really nice?i've nv met you b4 so ya i can't really judge...

wayne tells me ewEn left me either bcos he lyks some1 new or else is bcos of an ole flame which we came to conclusion was charlotte...sighs forget it...i'm in a mess whirl n confusion. wad's this shyt abt aye?it alwais happens. this is pure shyt dude. i gotta stop. it is hurtin me way too much. boy. i still love you. and till how long? i don't know.

PEAN. i don't know wad is wrong with you. where'd sweet pea go uhh? oh wells. i ain't gonna b de one to 'make upp' again am i?zzZz...

Don asked me wad i wanted for my b'day...after several twist n turns i told him. i dowan any1 to get me anything but only for HIM to get for me something i'll b really happy...just one gift is all i wanted but i don't want ppl to tell him or force him...i want him to rem himself n buy willingly...

wad's de use uhh?
forge it it bitch
18 July 2oo6
2days
7days
one week
12.25.p.m.

[[i don't know...]]

2006-07-13T06:59:00.000-07:00

didn got school today...zzZz...slacked at home doin stuupid stuff thinkin n sleep lyk some pig den went to meet dean don szetoh n wayne at KAP. dean left gil n chua came...den don hadda go so szetoh n i went don's hse...

starin into the night sky i was thinkin of so many stuff...ppl helpin me to forget him...ppl advisin me to give upp even liyong...ppl scoldin me reprimandin me about him...i don't know...sigh don said this - his smses are typical but yours sounded worst - or something liddat la...i was lyk...............................zzZz... n n don said karen told him dat she said ewen was kinda jealous when she told him i hung out with em...i was lyk wadever?i don't trust her...

QY left ZJ. lyk wad de heck? he promised!! budden again...guys never do keep promises do dey?huh?you do?liar la. i see you try can?as this year goes by i see myself understandin how guys mind works more n more bit by bit painfully sadly brutally evil.

i don't know a thing now. i'm once again stuck. helpless. confused. what i thought ytd night. now i don't know. doubts instilled once more. typical? was i really just another one of those play things?for so long. i've never never NEVER felt lyk this in fact. this is de 1st tym...for just this guy. i've gotten so confused n hurted so much...this is crap luhhh...

i'm thinkin of openin my blog to public once more but idunnoe...i don't lyk spammers spammin some nonsensical bullshyt n my blog contains alot of stuff which normal fairsians won't know....oh ya speakin of dat something happened to her...sharalyn...updates l8r or i might nv say...who knows...

so much stuff a happenin
so much pain involvin
wad's de verdict recivin?
lots of pain within
can't you feel?
i really love you
i thought this was really going on
why'd this happen?
oh wait i forgot
you were never serious about a girl were you?
i'm feelin sacarstic
i really feel lyk goin on a mean streak BUT
my reputation all over will b ruined
oh WAIT
I AM ruined.
in your hands

13 July 2oo6
7 days
12 days
dread
1o.21.p.m.

[[pains]]

2006-07-12T08:57:00.000-07:00

i don't know why...as i'm readin ewEn's old testi i get this feelin i kinda ruined him too?its lyk he was so popular and all n now??i don't know...cann i really be my fault that he's liddat now?why ppl don't lyk him and all?i don't know y i wann cry cry cry cry cry till de end of day cry till i cann cry no more cry till i feel nothing cry till i die cry till i am blind....i'm sorry ewen n re readin you're old sms-ed in my panasonic x66 i realised something...HOW CANN I EVER HAVE DOUBTED YOU!!I TRUST ALL YOU SAID IS TRUE AND I'LL NEVER DOUBT YOU!as for de parent fact...i have nothing to say but other den dat...i don't doubt you for wad you said last tym...

[[pissed hatred?]]

2006-07-12T08:06:00.000-07:00

as i promised ytd's post...don scolded me - fuck you - n i ended upp cryin in class n joe asked me y but i didn say anything. n he still dare ask me y i dao him?puttin dat aside...jov me jing vic were havin a spastic tym takin ultra spastic fotos which ranged upp to 6o n above...lols...mad?but damn fun luh~!den went KAP n all...at don's house he so called apologiesed and all...

gawd. ewEn. i'm really worried i miss you i wann you i need you i love you!

today. don n i quarreled again n this tym de stuff he scolded me made me hated him...i cried in front of so many ppl lah kns!?!so pissed cann?saw him at KAP i dao-ed him n all...dunnoe luh...den gil n son asked me wad happ n all so i decided forget it nvm i act normal lo...nothing much to say...after don left i went outside stone n think...ya know wad?i really am lost confused n i'm givin upp everything soon...today don made me so angry dat i really felt hatred for him. and oh ya. your godsis wann come whack me ehh?cos of dunnoe wad u told her wad i said ehh?hrmm...ya know wad? come lo..i don't care. sh'e FULGY i saw her friendster!
http://www.friendster.com/viewphotos.php?uid=7263602&pid=302699265#1
lyk i said...FUGLY!i don't lyk de sound of her from de VERY beginnin ya know?HELLO!WHO TALKS TO SOME GUY ABOUT SEX?WAD DE HECK?and ppl suntann is either call GIRLS of BOYFRIEND along not some GUY!i do not unless is go with a BIG gruop lyk dumb family 7 or vbs. she sound BITCHY cann?zzZz don't care le la n she is so NOT hot. once more. FUGLY!

had a nice nice nice chat with liyong...lols...he's damn cute cann?hahahs...we exchanged two fotos...lalala...mayb ONE DAY i EMBARRESS him by puttin him baBy foto n de other 3 i have...xDD lol...ok set la liyong goin play bball lan or pool of something right?xpp...lalala...hahahs

ewEnNy~! stay safe pleasi hope you're ok with me gonna try makin frens all over with you again ehh?=)) soon i'll make de move to start as frens...but not now not yet...let things simmer my complications and all...i really hope nothing goes wrong...please?this is all i ask for us only to b good friends...please?i'm seriously beggin now...

nothing to go wrong
just normal friends
i miss you
12 july 2oo6
replace thy hatred
11.13.p.m.

[[pain tears hurt ewEn]]

2006-07-11T07:06:00.000-07:00

i'm hurtin...i just cried again...thanks so much for this testi ewEn realy...

ewEnNy's testi -

just dropping by... i noe many ppl think im usless n all, i flirt n all, u hurt urself n i noe tt.

well to all of u, find prove tt i flirt. find prove dat im useless. find prove tt i didnt hv my reasons. i hv nothing much to say. i noe im useless n all. so tts all i can say 2 all of u. im sry..

2 zhen. i wish u all the best. which ever way u think of me now does not matter.. may u hv a fruitful lyfe onwards w/o me. thanks for the times

i really dunnoe wad to do...i just blabbed a lot of crap to joey n i think i shall blogg it...

but idunnoe idunnoe i really dunnoe i'm confused right now i really am dEaR i'm worried i'm scared i'm frightened idunnoe idunnoe i wann him need him miss him love him oh so much n i dowan any1 else in my life but him n upp till now i still dunnoe y he left me n i love him still so much n he's just bein weird woryin me pickin fights in school makin me wann die with fear for him n all i really am
confused hurt n in pain i wann himi'm jealous of girls who are close to him n i dunnoe y i hate ppl dat flirt with him especially dat sharalyn in my school and and and idunnoe le la i love him dats all i know...

IDUNNO FOR CRYIN OUT LOUD I CRIED TODAY IN SCHOOL AND NOW AGAIN!!i really dunnoe wad to do anymore help help help HELP!i can't stop my tears!i don't know why!!gawd i feel lyk a total idiot...

EWEN I MISS YOU I WANN YOU I LOVE YOU I NEED YOU IN MY LYF I CAN'T MAKE DO W/O YOU!!YOU'RE NOT USELESS! NO YOU'RE NOT N PLS STOP MAKIN A FOOL OF YOURSELF IN SCHOOL!!I'M FUCKIN WORRIED FOR YOU I REALLY AM!!as fer de flirt part...i have to admit i do kinda think of you as 1...don't thank me for de times can me make more?i really don't know...i only know dat you are all dat matters to me n i really don't wanna move on...i'm serious...i really love love love love SKI ANAATA!

i shall blog abt what happened today tomorrow...i'm too tired...i can't think straight...

you are all dat matters
all dat i wann
is dat ok?
cann we start as frens again pls?
11 July 2oo6
1o.41.p.m.

[[hurts pain confusion MOSQUITOS]]

2006-07-10T06:14:00.000-07:00

its been a long n tirin day for me...signed outta school at ten plus durin recess...went buy snack n went home napp...ah toh came my hse den we watch get backers den went eat hokkien mee den gilly joined us n came backk my hse n went playground slack...ntin much to say...

i think i don't have to make de decision anymore...it was made by him i think...oh wells...idunnoe why i'm feelin so.....nvm guess its all fer de best...i don't know why...after szetoh left at de playground i stoned alone thinkin of so many stuff...i just...tears just flowed...it hurts you think of you...wad's wrong with you wad are you doin in school?killin yourself uhh?makin a total idiot n fool of yourself uhh?i don't know anymore...on de other hand...i don't really wann blog abt this aye? lemmie totally lose this feelin 1st aye?ii'm kinda hurtin but i didn say out at all...tryin not to make it obvious...i guess it's a gone case...i'm itchin to give it a try but some stuff are keepin me away from it...it hurts me to c u hurt but i gotta get this movin and leave it b...i don't wanna do dat so yea..i'm stickin to de fact dat i'm obsessed with him...

don't go makin a fool outta yourself pls?
1oth july 2oo6
as much as i wanna...
9.32.p.m.
not enuff slp!!x(( >.<

in case you dont get i am talkin abt two diff guys.

[[bad day]]

2006-07-09T08:33:00.000-07:00

today is a bad day for me.everything went wrong.almost. i went church den went out with fren. pool black ball went in 4 tyms...=.= dota kena ponned all de way. lookin at fren's cupboard hit head. everything wrong. no mood.

i'm tired.
i wann sleep for eternity.
i'm serious.
livin a lyf of a livin dead
i still don't wann my b'dae to come.
i don't know y.
de idea of my b'dae doesn excite me anymore.
i'm hurt.
another wound openin.
ewEn?
i've been thinkin.
i really wann you backk
but you wont
n chances of you comin backk is just 1%
n even if you do
i might not even accept.
so i'm wonderin wad's de point?
i've found out de ans
i just cant let you go let you down
i really wann you need you love you
but i don't know why
i miss you're lies you know?
i'm dumb yea thank you
i feel lyk...
givin upp...
tried ytd
no blood came out
blade was sharp
not sharp enuff?
my mind's in a mess
why does it alwais have to happen to me?
to think to think...

turn backk de clock
shift backk de hands
unaccept the ties of de devil
unwind thee bonds to my heart
unkiss thy 1st kiss
uncast thy lies
fling away thy pain
pls?
o9 July 2oo6
11.4o.p.m.

[[i wann die again. its repeatin all over]]

2006-07-08T08:32:00.000-07:00

to think i cared to think i fell for you to think u lied to think i went arnd lookin for a gift for you to think i did those stuff with u to think i loved you to think i went nuts for you to think i slited myself for you to think i worried to think of all the madness things i did for you. one word.

REGRET!

do you know how much pain i am in now bcos of you? to think of all the stuff i did for you. just plain for YOU. i regret it. how de hell are you treatin me now huh? oh yea lyk hell i believe you stopped maplin. you used dat just as an excuse to delete me. still lyin to me ehh? wad hell did i do wrong may i ask? huh? its still fuckin hurtin me ya know? i'm not your toy not your slave!

cant blog anymore

[[confusion]]

2006-07-06T08:47:00.000-07:00

usual stuff been goin KAp study go eat hokkien mee at bukit timah market and etc.

not de point dat i wanna blog.

i'm really confused...i might have a tad feelin for you you know? but i don't wanna go on...i'm thinkin missin lovin wantin him too much...yes more den you!more by a hundred thousand miles sorry!i don't know why!i can't bring myself to hate him detest him n forget him!i find it hard to trust now!i was thinkin earlier on about wad every one's been reprimandin me for!dey say you won't hurt me and all...you know wad?sorry i can't believe dat anymore...pho said dat to me when ewEn was jio-in me n she said he's serious about me i should give him a chance and etc. etc. lyk today, ewEn accidentally rammed me in my backk injurin me n der is a scar der now btw...n thourgh out de whole night he was moody n didn dared look me in de eye cos i heard he feel bad n all...i tot i could trust him but i was wrong...look where he landed me!pho even said she thought ewEn was really serious about me!when ever ewEn's moody he would keep to himself and when ever i ask why so moody? he won't tell me why...same for don...frankly i have a lot of stuff dat i wanna say but i don't really wanna now...i don't know...i don't really lyk don much as in love lyk but lyk fren yes...he is just a crush whereas ewEn is LOVE.i daresay i only LOVED two guys in my entire lyf...yes 1 ewEn de other one liyong...i'm so confused now...should i let this go or...?i don't know...i'm just losin out either way right?i'm lost and confused. hurt and cryin. wad am i suppose to do? am i stuupid for wantin you backk? i really love you ewEn...more den anything...when ever ppl say/ask stuff lyk who doesn want money, how do you think you'll b lyk in future n etc. 1st thing...you're name inevitabably pops upp...i know you are a bastard...for lyin dumpin hurtin playin toyin usin me but i don't know...i still love you...eff you know wad?i'm in a really bad mood...i'm so so so so in pain confused n hurt...wad am i suppose to do now?either way its de same!i alrdy gave upp pean bcos of YOU thou i know it is in vain...now?i don't know I REALLY DON'T KNOW WAD TO DO I JUST WANN SLP FOREVER I'M CONFUSED AND IN A DAZE!LIVIN A LIFE OF A LIVIN AIN'T FUN YOU KNOW!!I CAN'T STOP WORRYIN FOR YOU!YOU STUUPID!PLS DON'T GO PICKIN FIGHTS IN SCHOOL!IT WORRIES ME!

i'm losin my marbles...i'm goin kinda mad n i'm losin contact with some of my frens...joey...marvyn...ke hsien...etc...

wad am i suppose to do?
continue?
stop?
i don't know
i only know i love you
o6 july 2oo6
14 days
19 days
i dread em...
i have more fears and pain kept in still
i'm losin out
in each and every single way
i lyk you
i love him
11.43.p.m.
death die died

oh yea smart thing to do...went jeraldine's blog and found out something which really made me wanna eat my heart out!her NEW stead...damn sweet to her...wth?he showed upp at her house for no reason with a HUGE bouquet of flowers bigger den any of our heads to give her n he ran all de way der just to give her?AND SPENT 3 WEEKS LOOKIN FOR A FLORIST?zzZz...how cann wad HE did b compared to this?sigh i give upp...this sucks...my frens are all enjoyin lyf WITH a new guy some way or another...sigh i feel soo....

[[snozzy]]

2006-07-04T07:47:00.000-07:00

been really in a bad mood lately...sigh n to topp thing off...things have kinda taken a complicated turn for me...

ytd went lan-in with yy xin some thing wayne gil don szetoh dean sane yueling...fun...shouldn elaborate much la but ya some stuff happenned in de night which i shall leave for l8r...

today i was very confused...thinkin so much i don't know why...many stuff went thru my mind n idunnoe...zzZz...saw marc n lincoln at KAP...joy jealous?xDafter study session with dean wayne gil don szetoh n chua i stayed backk with gil n chatted...abt.........sigh i don't understand y anymore...

i don't care i hate you 2 for lyin to me n i don't know y i don't feel lyk talkin to you...1 is dat bitch who tries to so call flirt with him and still tries to act chummy with me in school...de other one is blur n doesn know wad is goin on...i'm in a fouul mood...

he confessed to me in which i alrdy knew and was aware of his feelins but i nv did say a thing...well erm i don't really know wad is goin thru my head so ya...i only know i'm brought backk to december days again n i cant say its not hurtin me...i can't stop thinkin abt him...i miss him n i haven seen him fer so long n he pratically avoids me!sigh i dont know anymore...celebrating my b'day sis's b'day n mom's b'dae some where this two weeks...not really lookin forward to it...i'm NOT lookin forward to my birthday at all...i'm dreadin it in fact...will he or will he not?

RAIN DEARIE is backk in SG!!xDD wanna meet her soon...haven seen her fer a long tym...fairsians in case you forgot...our lvl old NT i student lorraine who migrated to france...=)

you never cared am i right?
i was JUST an object to you
o4 july 2oo6
1o.42.p.m.
i don't lyk hurtin ppl i'm sorry if i did to you

[[wad is happenin to you?]]

2006-07-02T18:50:00.000-07:00

ytd night after i blogged and all we went to drink...den mom fetched me home lucky didn kena whacked...don sent me a mean sms which pissed me off...hello!i'm tryin to b nice here...i don't wanna say wad...today also...zzZz...and dear frens...my few barker frens...i know u guys care for me and have my interest at heart but...i just wanna c him...i am awake...as awake as anyone cann get...awake abt de fact dat he doesnt care abt. doesnt love me. he give no shyt abt me. but still...i really just wanna c him...i do stuff for a reason...

usualy drabble...he didn reply my sms n h e claims he can't go out...well you know wad?wadever ewen yeo.i've heard your lies once too often and now i'm controllin de urge to ask you wad happened to you cos your nick doesn sound ok...i ain't gonna care abt you anymore.mayb wayne IS right...you suck and dats a fact.screwed up lyfe.im in a screwed up world. with screwed up frens.BUT I"LL LOVE THEM.wad's dat abt huh?

wad do you know abt me huh?
much a tear,
much a cut,
all i see is juxt plain DARK.
fragmental bits
which are
cut throat deep
i don't feel lyk goin out...x((
i'm not excited abt de fact dat my birthday is just arnd de corner...
nothing feels right...
at all...
o3 July 2oo6
9.56.a.m.

[[hate this]]

2006-07-02T06:25:00.000-07:00

ok i know i haven really blogged for a long tym i shall do a quick 3 day blog...i'm currently at dean's house usin his com so yea...

Friday...
woke upp...didn feel lyk goin school...had headache n sore throat...not v. bad but yea...quarreled with my dad abt school n he said stuff lyk my frens and all...i was happy...on de way to de carpark with him he whacked me...i was so pissed...n he said this....you dare to go out today come home i'll whack u...i didn wanna go home...went school asked around if cann stay at thier house...joy said ok so i said i'll confirm with her l8r...normal school day...szetoh came my house n ate maggie with me n sis was home again...lols den we went meet don at kap den saw gilbert again...den i dunnoe y i started bein all moody...i kept goin outta de mac der...i nearly cried...tot abt all those stuff...i hate this ok?i'm missin you wantin you lovin u for WAD?only get torture pain n sufferin am i right?if u just wanted to play with me WHY did u said those lies to me?LIAR! den didn know if i shloud go home anot and i did la...zzZz...kena scolded...

saturday...
postphoned tuition...met don szetoh and fel go escape...wheets...fun...xDD...fel left at 3 plus...dat bout all den when we were gonna meet dean mom called n said dat if i go hom after 11'll get slapped by dad and all and i was lyk...........den met em le with nigel dey all...wahlao!!dey carry n put me in a trolly n dean dat asshole carried me across de road...=.= den went dota and all...den dey left...dean n i went meet his cousins...wynn n yueling...on de way i asked him abt bernita and all n i found out le...hrmm cann isay typical?anyway met em n chatted abit abt ewEn again...oh wells...mom called n came n pick me upp...i tot everything was ok but WAD DE HECK?i got in de lift n dad whacked n kicked me!?!if mom didn stop him i think i would have gotten worse beatin...wahlao so pissed!!i go home a lil latte and all u get angry?i postphone tuition got prob?not lyk i CANCELED tuition!!i dont smoke do something stuupid you should b glad!you wann blieve i cann go jump off de damn buildin now?

sunday...
had tuiion in de morn...den went meet dean n wynn at KAP...yueling wasn der...x(( den szetoh n nigel came n den don came...wynn n i n dean talk abt quite a couple of stuff...i still can't believe wad dey said...ewEn have sex b4?dats wad dey thinnk but ehh?i find it hard n NOT hard to believe...i have my reasons bu i dont wanna say y...i dunnoe if i believe ewen's 1st kiss was given b4 me cos his kiss tells me he lyk no expireince but his number of ex's seems to tell me he has...idunnoe...zzZz...den came dean's house watch show n i'm currently talkin to yueling abt guys stuff...mann...zzZz...i so regret...ab ewEn...sigh i'm worried abt tomorrow...i wanna c him...but i dunnoe i'm afraid...of stuff...i'm frightened something will go wrong...oh help...wad am i supp to do??

2Jun 2oo6
9.49.p.m.
i'm afriad i really am

[[BEER bleh xD]]

2006-06-29T07:22:00.000-07:00

went school normal except harrypotter nearly confiscated my fone...zzZz...met szetoh n don aft school at newton den went waffles town to eat...lalala...nicee...n dat IDIOT gilbert nearly broke my wrist again...x(( xDD den me st went don's hse drink beer...wahlao dey try to force it dwn me de whole thing...x(( my whole body n ear was RED LA!xDD but it was darn fun!!BWEET!but i kept wishin was here...

gawh
forget it
i'm in a mood for breakin necks
i really should stop caring for him shouldn i?
he really is...
n my frens are all lyk...
flirtin with him?
fish n co
bits n pieces
i really wann give upp
i feel i can't take this anymore.

baBy can't you tell?
i love you more den anything
i need you more den i need myself
i miss you till my head spinns around
can't you tell?
I'M de only who who truely cares
I'M de only one who would NEVER yell at you no matter what you do
i love u baBy i really do
can't you tell?
the pain in me?
whenever i ask you out der alwais seem to b a defined NO
if you came out and saw me
i wonder
cann you see the pain in my eyes?
cann you feel the pain from my heart?
cann you feel i still love you?
baBy
don't get attached to any of my friends pls
i'll make em suffer and i don't wanna...
if it's some1 else i cann do nothing...
sigh
baBy i miss you & i NEED you...

BERNICE SWEETIE CAME BACKK FROM CANADA TODAY FOR 2 DAYS!!xDD saw her!!shucks...she's goin backk tomorrow...x(

if we were meant to b

if feelings were a game

its all over for me

you liar

29 june 2oo6

1o.28.p.m.

2006-06-28T08:00:00.000-07:00

feelin bored...so i did quizzes...xDD beware of being flooded again..=))

What is killing you inside? (girls and guy's) PICS, and good results

MEMORIES/EMOTIONSThe'>http://i62.photobucket.com/albums/h116/TheDarkestStarInTheNight/58169-20060609053848.jpg">
MEMORIES/EMOTIONSThe past coninouslly haunts you. Alot of emotions surround you because they're bad and theyre combined, making it harder to move on. But you do it anyway which is strong. YOu barely ever ask for help. And those you do love,you would die for. YOur a good person, but your keeping everyting inside, and its going to make you cold hearted eventually. You let your emotion's do the thinking for you often. Sometimes you see no use for life, unless you never see a use for it and are hiding it.ELEMENT:FIRESONG:HAUNTED BY EVANESENCE (GIRL) NUMB BY LINKIN PARK (BOY)
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Does he love you? -In-Depth Results Cool Pics-

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Please message and rate!
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What Kind of Relationship Are You After?

You'>http://images.quizilla.com/M/MA/MAD/MademoiselleDisdain/1151340690_ement-ring.gif">
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Which Of The Seven Deadly Sins Are You? (Detailed Answers + Beautiful Anime Pics In Results!)

You'>http://images.quizilla.com/X/XY/XYO/xyoukai.angelx/1150756717_lysinsLust.jpg">
You are the third deadly sin: Lust. Lust is said to be a sin of the flesh, craving touch. This "sin of the flesh" is said to lead to "uncleanliness". Also associated with fury and lechery.Your Devil: Asmodeus.Your Animal: The Goat.Your opposite: Chastity.Your element: Fire.PLEASE RATE & MESSAGE!!!
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What is your inner angel?

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last 1 i gotta go sleep...

What person are you realy (anime pics)

you'>http://images.quizilla.com/H/HU/HUH/huhohya/1151297598_lpureangel.jpg">
you are Angelick not just good but a pure angel. You know whats good you know what bad your a very good juge of character. You always try to do your best to help people your a little hero. You are beloved by everyone and you'll give everything even if you get nothing in return.
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[[had a bad day xD?]]

2006-06-28T07:03:00.000-07:00

went school still full of anger...met agnes complained to her...den went assemble...talk to ZJ n i told her...she was shocked when i blurted out vulgars...xp den went art...BORING actually de whole day...i slept nearly in all de classes...lols...during recess i went to talk to ZJ n she kept tryin to talk to me but i gave short sacarstic ans n i went backk talkin to ZJ...last period chi...chatted with cliff n j.j...ssshh...secret...xDD no la but i dowan say...went dover eat with Zj after dat...lala abt all for school...n oh ya...zj aint happy with her also cos WHICH BITCH FLIRTS WITH AN ATTACHED GUY ARH?somemore those of your close fren...

went home changed den met szetoh n don at KAP n den wahlao scare me when i look backk i saw this big moron guys rush upp to me nearly strangle me...i tot WHO IS DAT?CHEY!is gilbert...=.= with choo...idunnoe who is choo n we hardly talked...lols...gilbert made me cry today la idiot...=) cos he mentioned ewEn...xp...den went market with don n szetoh eat den after dat szetoh went home den don n i sat der fer a while den walked to don's house and stayed der chatted and den i cabbed homw AND NO CABB CAME FOR LYK HALF AN HOUR?T.T today de cabs hates me...x(( xDD

thinkin alot.
i miss you and i wann you.
but facin the fact it lyk...
pourin salt water over my wound?
i don't know...
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
i miss him.
i love love love love LOVE him so much...

baBy if something were to happen to you

i'll kill myself and dat person who inflicted pain upon you

for you baBy

i'd even die

i love you

but why weren't we meant to be?

28 June 2oo6

1o.2o.p.m.

joey dEaR its over alrdy....

[[i'm still hurtin]]

2006-06-27T07:23:00.000-07:00

grahh....
went school feeling BORED and especially SLEEPY so i napped during chapel for nearly the whole period. had gastric intially but it went off after a while.=) didn't really know what was going on thru out the whole day just that i wasn't very happy but just plain moody. got dragged by sharalyn n ZJ after school to para when i already said NO i don't want to yesterday. didn't bring clothes so i didn't play. felt so bored. szetoh came my house then we went to meet don and jason to study and i met a guy called gilbert.nothing much now for some COMPLAINS!

FUCK OFF SHARALYN!
I'M PISSED WITH YOU!
WADDAYA MEAN YOU HATE EWEN?
WADDAYA MEAN YOU THINK HE'S A BASTARD?
SAY DEN SAY I DON'T CARE BUT BUT!!
YOU FUCKING ADDED HIM ON FRIENDSTER SAYIN WAD oh thanks for de accept yupps take care
KNN!
WHAT THE FUCK YOU THINK YOU DOING?
YOU HATE HIM MEH?
HATE STILL ADD?
WANN FLIRT SAY LA!
I KNOW YOU AND BRYAN OVER LE
I DON'T GIVE SHYT!
WANN ME VOICE OUT EVERY WRONG AND BAD THING ABOUT YOU?
I FUCKIN WILL!
i had enuff of takin you torturin me pinchin whackin me!
i'm not your dog!
don't force me to do anything i don't lyk!
stop flirting with guys and breakin their heart!
stop acting lyk you know me!
stop thinkin your my best fren n i'm yours!
i only have very lil best frens!
joeey yun ting and dats about all!
szetoh dean n don are only considered my VERY good fren
so in wad position do you think you are to b my BEST fren?
were you der when i needed you?
FUCK YOU NO!
were you der when i cried in thailand?
FUCK OFF NO!
only sarah was!
you only know how to scold scold scold me!
dunnoe how to comfort me!
no bloody dressin sense!
stop threathenin to slap me cos i don't wanna do something your fuckin way!
i know i'm vulgar but i'm goin thru a bloody rollar coster now!
you sound and act lyk a BITCH!
who the fuck u think you are to boss me arnd?
i give you face u wann more
i not your dog la knn!
4 straight days!
things ain't goin well for me
i don't wanna care anymore
don't blame me for dao-in you!
n oh ya
you read this den read
dont come tell me or some1 else
KNN I WANN CALL AH BER OR SOME1 DOWN TO WHACK HIU ZHEN
you know wad?
BRING IT ON YOU BITCH!
FUCK OFF!

joey dEaR it's ok now

you were never and never will b better den ZJ to me

FUCK OFF

27 June 2oo6

1o.46.p.m.

[[hurt fear anger hatred pain]]

2006-06-26T08:52:00.000-07:00

i shaldn't blog about my day but just for a mental note i went to Nigel's house today.

girl.
you cann lauff at my folly
you cann lauff at my pain
you cann lauff at my hurts
you cann lauff at my tears
but i cannot take the fact that the person that lauffed at me was my so called best friend.

i told u.
i voiced out my fears to you.
but oh no.
frankly you only cared about you and your 'HUSBAND'.
DO YOU EVEN CARE ABOUT ME?
i cleared your mess.
only wanted you to understand.
but oh dear...
YOU DON'T!
you lauffed at me.
you don't care ehh you said?
then so be it.
i don't wanna talk about this anymore.
fuck it.
it's hurting too much.
i hate you.

Nigel said ewEn doesn't want the jacket. zzZz. dowan den dowan. i'll keep it. no Nigel i won't give that to you. go get the other coloured one.

i don't know why.
i'm beginning to cry almost every single night.
i don't understand,
it's been so long...
why am i still hurting so much?
under normal circumstances,
1month is all i need to get over a normall GUY,
but no...
i haven't and funnily,
the pain is still fresh...
no maybe much more painful.
i'm beginning to think of you almost every single waking hour of my days.
i don't know why.
i tried to stop.
but i can't.
i can't accept the fact that you lied to me
that disgusting thoughts of giving my 1st kiss to some 1 who has given his away w/o me knowing
that disgusting thought of what we did
that painful memories of us at places and what we talked about
it makes me feel so weird to the extend that i just feel like ripping out my heart literally and stop the pain.
you lied you know?
after mid year i waited but you didn't give me an answer.
what after O's what after NS?
still love me?
YOU LIKE SOME1 ELSE ALRDY UMPETE TIMES AFTER WE BROKE HOW MANY OTHERS GIRLS ARE YOU GONNA GO AFTER?
i'm trying not to care now i really am but i don't know why,
every single time you pop into my mind fresh waves of tears are like gonna flow out.
but the fact is,
i can't cry.
i don't know why!
i wanna cry but bits n pieces of tears just come out n my tear glands just stopps!
i wanna cry in peace as much as i cann to stop this irritable itch and pain within!
it's because of YOU i have to wear this fake smile on my face everytime.
NOW you guys understand WHY sometimes when i smile my smile is lyk wavering and all.
it's because of YOU that i resorted to disgusting methods to kill the pain.
it's because of YOU i changed so much.
it's because of YOU i lost my smiles my lauffter my joys.
it's because of YOU that my life is a lyk those of a living dead.
it's because of YOU i have to live thru my life dreading every single waking hour.
i'm sure you don't really care aye?
in fact you're kinda happy aye?
you replaced your hurt for charlotte with mine for you.
i was happy and you weren't.
now you're happy and i ain't
ain't you selfish?
don't you feel disgusted for yourself?
the things you did the lies you told
don't you feel disgusted?
fuck were you just using me from the very beginning?
as an OBJECT?
did you ever meant what you said?
did you ever TRUELY loved me with all your heart like what i did?
in fact i gave it ALL away to you trusting you!
trusting that you won't break it!
i felt hardly any passion from you.
YOUR KISSES WERE COLD!
bet you threw it all away didn't you?
the dog pillow i gave you for December, OUR ring.
i TOLD you if you didn't want the ring GIVE IT TO ME!
I WANT IT!
but oh no you said no.
you wanted it for FUCK?
display?
give it to me!
make it complete!
ewEnNy~!
i love you
i wann you
i need you
i miss you
just one word
is it so hard?
sorry would be ok
let me know at leasst you still care for me...
please?
i don't wanna be left alone...
i'm speaking from the bottom of my heart in despair...
i'm begging you...
please?
i don't know what is going on anymore...
i feel lost...
where are you?

i lurve you

fer lyf?

fer ever?

i don't know

i need you

fer now

i do

i miss u

so much

so pain

i wann you...

deepest drain of depair

i'm stuck

26 June 2oo6

i'm dreading my birthday

11.48.p.m.

2006-06-25T09:26:00.000-07:00

my style of bloggin will change from here on i think.

yesterday i went out to meet Szetoh and Jason at Orchard MRT station. i met them there and we waited a while for Lionel. After some time we got bored and hungry so we decided to go n find some thing to eat. We met Lionel at Taka and he went off for a while whilst we went Yoshinoya to eat. Met Lionel again and we walked around a bit. Not long later, Lionel went off whilst Szetoh, Jason & I went to play pool and Lan at Parklane. At around 7 plus 8 we took 171 to meet Dean at Bukit Timah plaza. i kinda so called 'quarreled' with Jason before that so I was feeling very moody so therefore I suddenly told them I didn't wanna go so I didn't alight like I was suppose to. I alighted at my stop and i walked upp to the bridge and sat on the topmost stairs n sat threr thinking and crying. Dean then called me to go so i decided yea ok. Met em and ate hokkien mee then we went to dota. Dean & I against Szetoh & Jason and Dean & I won. XD

went back home and i felt very sad cos that is the last time we can dota and i'm gonna miss them alot. i love hanging with em. i cried in the night. feeling foolish i searched for mypocket knife once more yet i couldn't find it. i took the glass pieces i found the other time n tried to slash a few times. no blood n i gave upp crying at a corner blaming myself and getting mad at him. He likes her. she cann lauff at it. she doesn know how much it is hurting me. she's my best friend. but yet...she's disappoints me...

today i dont feel lyk bloggin much. tomorrow school. gonna miss dean don szetoh dey all...sigh...

i gave upp my all for this insanity

where is she where is where is she where is this beautiful girl?

i live to feel

to hurt to cry

to feel this insanity

NOT

26 June 2oo6

12.4o.a.m.

[[kinda BORIN]]

2006-06-23T09:14:00.000-07:00

today i was feelin soooo lazy but i woke upp a bit too late n quickly dressed n rushed out to meet szetoh at acsB bus stop den we went in to watch dean lionel jason dey all play bball...too bad ewEn wasnt der...WADEVER!c div n b div won...match was kinda excitin...lols...den me n szetoh went to newton wantin to eat but was closd...lols so we went plaza eat pepper lunch den went marina meet jason n some others guys wantin to bowl but no space n dey left...saw joanna der...lols...den we played 1 round of para den me jason n szetoh played dota den jason went off me n szetoh went to pool DEN went beauty world meet don dota...lols...

why does de holidays have to end?

n n i think ewEn lyks this girl.....................

http://www.friendster.com/viewphotos.php?uid=18280119&pid=303781386#7

zzZz...

boy i'd say this once more
you lied to me a million times but I did not say a thing
you made me suffer alone in which i'm sure you didn't know the tears i shed for u plenty
you hurted me time and time again with your words and actions in which i keep in me in silence
but what i cannot take is the fact that you left me saying that you will return but you fell for someone else
i shall speak forth to no one about these feelings to no one
these pains i kept will be hidden
these fears i feel shall be voiced out no more
these confusions...
shall be left alone to fade away regardless or not they'll come backk
these tears.
kept n held in place
frankly
it was never meant to be this way
it never was
until on dat fateful of December 2oth 2oo5
i met you and we came together
you changed me
my thoughts
my smile........

you ass-hole

ewEnNy

i don't give a shyt abt wad u do n wad happens to you anymore

you and me

over

once and for all

i shall let you go

last time

once more

i miss you

i wann you

i love you

1314 3344

my december o5

i l u

24 june 2oo6

12.1o.a.m.

[[not a very good day]]

2006-06-22T09:38:00.000-07:00

feelin very...moody...today to me is not really a good day...i'm seized with this desire to cry i don't know why...

went out meet nigel jason n szetoh went to pool den dota...still ok...nigel left.don came played pool again...went arcade saw liyong den dey pushed me towards him and all n i don't know why i still don't dare to talk to him face to face...not dat i still lyk him no...den went meet dean at douby ghaut mrt den went dota at beauty world with shane...from de mrt i felt something was wrong n all...sigh i l8r found out don thinks ewEn got a new girl n i think it might b alicia i dont know why...i think cos of thier testimonials.....

i can't believe this...after so long...ok QUITE long...FINE not long!i cried tonight...BLUE tears cos i had mascara on...blue ones...grahh...i wann get de glass bits.....................................................

FORGET IT!grahh...i'm sick of it all...i wann end this shyt now...i feel lyk a livin dead zombie now...........GRAHHH

MOVE ON WITH LYF U BITCH!

HE WON'T COME BACKK STUUPID

HE HATES U ASS!

STOP THINKIN ABT HIM IDIOT!!

sigh.................

23 june 2oo6

holiday's endin...

12.34.a.m.

[[posts posts posts]]

2006-06-21T09:05:00.000-07:00

grahh so lazy blogg

today i went to play pool...aft dat went dota n b4 goin backk i was with nigel n szetoh..i saw LIYONG!SO CUTE CANN?n he's so tall...wad de heck i know i'm short...grahh...den went eat at szetoh's hse den went to play dota with dean jason nigel n szetoh...kayy done i dont feel lyk bloggin n today i have 1st blood xDD

oh ya ytd ate at dean's hse n his mom was reAL nice =))

kayy i dowan blog le i'm dead tired

=))

n i'm worried abt his case...

sighs

22 june 2oo6

12.o1.a.m.

2006-06-20T21:19:00.000-07:00

sorry for de lagg in bloggin...i shall do a quick 1 now n for a more detailed 1 l8r...

ytd went out

yea dats all

lols no la

i went play dota with nigel dean don n szetoh n another round in de night with don dean jason szetoh n shane...DOTA RAWKS!!xDD

shall not update anymore i need go out soon...

[[farnie fun fun fn nigelxDD no la just fun]]

2006-06-19T20:40:00.000-07:00

*YAWN*
woke up tired n not wantin to get out of bed ytd but i dragged myself up n replied don's tempermental smses [don no offence just bloggin lyk it is (:] n i was pissed by my volleyball captain aka shumei...HELLO I TOLD COACH I WONT GO TRAININ AT LEAST UNTIL DE HOLIDAY IS OVER N HOI!stop callin me a liar tym n tym again...i so did NOT promise to go trainin ytd i alrdy said after holidays are over...u called me a liar tym n tym again i didn say a shyt just act normal when we're together but woah wee...u added a blo.0dy ytd...how nice...wadever...

met nigel n szetoh at de stop after acs B n saw alot of em barker's comin outta de school n on 171 some boarded n i was hopin he would b der but OH NVM...he wasn't i guess...(: den went to play POOL at paradiz!!xDD ok wad nonsense?i suck ytd...x(( xDD den we went to eat den i went for work n nigel n szetoh went off...jennifer n janice was workin n den me n janice slacked slacked slacked lalala arnd n den after a while we got BORED so we decided to slack EVEN MORE to go play POOL [again]xDD den she won 3 i won 2...ok I KNOW! hurmphf (: den we went backk meet jen den we went food court eat n we bcame jen de DA jie me ER jie jan smallest lols...budden lets not forget de person who wasn't der...EDDNA DE XIAO MEI MEI xDDD hahahs...had fun lO!!

den after eatin i went to meet nigel n szetoh again den we went beauty world again to play lan with em n don n D-E-AN n jason n dean's bro shane n dean's cousin yueting n erm...joanna...frankly i don't really lyk her n i'm sure SOME other ppl don't n i don't wanna name names...went der n den we went to play LAN at beauty world PLAZA cos beauty world no space...hahhas...went der n i was teamed with dean shane yueting n jason...budden doesn really matter cos dey kept shufflin....lols...but shane was REAL nice...xDD he taught me a lil on how to use stuff...hahahas...den towards de end of de match i said this on - i wann kill her~!!! - i was talkin abt moomoo aka joanna cos she's easy to kill xp...n this was was de idiot dean did...he gave me a stuupid face n said this when i asked WAD? - you sounded sudective - WHAP!i wanted to whack him for sayin something so stuupid!lols...diao you mei you?den we paid upp den went backk...den whilst i was pretendin to b angry n foolin arnd with nigel...SOME1 told me not to cos *AHEM*AHEM*AHEM* i cannot say cos he reads my blog n i'm sure szetoh know's wad i wanna say...xDD szetoh joanna n nigel cabbed home whilst me dean jason don took bus home...xDD...HAD SO MUCH FUN YESTERDAY!!xDD

idiot nigel kick me until my hip got bruise!x(( but i didn know some1 as idiotic n moronic lyk him would say sorry...xDD

de whole tym at beauty world me n xiao boi [shall name him xiao boi cos i said b4 he looks lyk 1] were talkin abt dem...lols...damn farnie but wad de heck? bcos of her i can't do somestuff?ERM...franklyi don't really lyk her so y shld i care?oh silly me...COS I'M SO NICE!xDDDkayy la dowan say so much le i just hope more days r liddat...love ytd sooo much!!x))

sms-ed ewEn ytd night wished him happy b'dae n i screwedupp...i sent him happy birthday 15 ewEn...GRAH!!realisin i resent him...bleh i mean happy 15th birthday...(: n he replied thanks...but so cold...x(( nvm...at least he replied oh wells...

HAPPY 15TH BIRTHDAY EWENNY~!

lalala n i'm still lovin you

may your dreams come true

find your ms perfect n stop PLAYIN arnd

a better year ahead n a wiser year

stop being so addicted to your nonsense games n n

b on better terms with ur parents

hope you have a gr8 b'day today

2o June 2oo6

6th month......

oh nvm

11.36.a.m.

i miss you

[[FATHER's day]]

2006-06-18T08:25:00.000-07:00

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY ALL
n i don't care if u have a kid of are unattched or wadever

woke up at two...nice tymin eh?xDD don't know why i was SO tired...haha...threw on a top n pants n i went out with my mom n dad...lalala...damn sian cos i was kinda stonin in de car n we went 36 lor GEYLANG to have my fav duck porridge n rice...dat place rawks n n...erm just ignore de geylang word la...went searchin for some teppanyaki place to eat but couldn find 1 den szetoh recommended some place at sangri-la hotel...

*interruption in bloggin*
go blame nigel n szetoh for wantin to play some idiot's game with me on9...xDD

went to meet sis 1st den went to ride some idiot DHL hot air balloon...whilst i was Q-in...some idiot korean look like guy tried to cut Q n whilst i was sms-in he acted lyk he knew me n LOOKED at my HP n i was lyk...wad de shyt?i diao-ed him n turned away but still Q-in...

ride was OK but de view was WOW!?!i love nature ok?hahahs...de clouds!!xDDDden went to eat...ce teppanyaki der is friggin ex but still OK la...hahahs i dont really lyk de chef...=.=so noisy n act pro...kns...den dean asked me call don szetoh dey all go dota...lols...but in de end no1 went...xpp sorRy...O"O

kkies i gtg le...x(( tomorrow work...xDD WITH EDNNA DARLING N JENNIFER!!xDD

ewEnNy~!

SHUDDAP DON'T LAUFF U IDIOTS NIGEL N SZETOH!

18 June 2oo6

2 days

3days

x((

11.56.p.m.

[[POSTES]]

2006-06-17T09:49:00.000-07:00

as usual...my lagg in bloggin...xDD

cant really rem wad happ so short postes!!

wed - went out with don szetoh n n idunnoe who la xD i dont really rem wad happ

thurs - went out with don szetoh n played dota n CS n den went szetoh hse with johnny n den when i was goin home jason came...=.=

friday - went out don szetoh n i...kinda sian...tried bustin in to an NC16 show but we were busted...lyk wad de heck?x(( b4 dat we played dota cs n pool n i was kinda tyco in pool...xDD

sat/today - BWEEH!!TODAY SO SO SO FUN!!!!went meet don n szetoh at PS at 12+++++ den nigel came...den we went to get tickets den on de way...*AHEM* i pray don n szetoh doesn't read this...nigel was playin arnd n den he kept di xiao-in me n den when i pretend pissed dat tym n IT was VERY obvious i was pretendin he would nudge me n say sorRy but no dats not it...der was 1 particular 1...he put his arm arnd me...my shoulders n i was lyk.............i think my ears went red!!n n DID I MENTION NIGEL WAS DAMN CUTE?but but his att not really my type...BUT!does he do dat to almost EVERY girl?hrmm...ok wadever...don n szetoh IF u come across this PLS dont tease me abt it n n dont tell nigel n n n...oh heck...den we went to eat at yoshi's den went to watch garfield 2...farnie...hahahhas...den went to play lan...dota 1st den counter strike den nigel went off to suntec meet fren n den we walked to PS to find lionel n don hadda go so me n szetoh waited for lionel...den we went to eat ajisen's n den lionel me n szetoh took 171 at 8+++...lionel went home cos dat pig wanna slp n me n szetoh went beauty world watch soccer with dean dom don n jason...we ate a lil...half way damn bored den wet play dota...me dom n jason against dean don n szetoh n just dat 1 match...lasted damn long...2 hrs plus i think...n my highest record of kills...4...xDD i noob ok?happy?hahhahas...but fun fun fun...we won!!xDD den i went home...

so scared for u mann...21st june...sianzers!!

legin cest viest...go figure...

18 june 2oo6

12.45.a.m.

i love all my acs frens!!

xDD

[[nandasteh!?!]]

2006-06-14T21:45:00.000-07:00

oh wells
u asked me
wad's with your post?
how'd u know he got another gf?
hrmm
dude
i'm smart
i got my ways
he has this sms which he sent to his fren
i read it
it goes
*
ya...wad you wann?...i'm out with a new za bor now
*
yo dude
i told u
it sounds dumb but yo
it's de truth
n dude
i wonder who is dat girl
i wonder her school
age
looks
how are dey lyk
yo dude
can u help me find out?
yo wait
i forgot
u don't even know him
dude
's endin
gotta b over dude

ok i know i'm slangin but idunnoe la...zzZz...dat guy from escape called me ytd n gosh...he wann meet me...he's callin me again in lyk 3 hrs tym?gwarh...i wonder which 1 is he?de cute 1?de average 1?or de irritatin 1!i don't know...whoo boy i pray it's de cute 1!!

ok lets on it dude!

FLIRT MODE ON!

LETS RAWK THIS

i haven flirt properly in ages

n u don't wann c

it's horrendeous!

^.^

i hate flirtin n flirters

but i am gonna now

i think?

depends on my mood

whoo boy

i can't rem de last tym i flirted!

15 june

5 more days

6 more days

b'day n anniversary

police

12.5o.p.m.

goin out soon

[[WHY??]]

2006-06-14T08:11:00.000-07:00

WHY?IF ONLY YOU WEREN SO NICE TO ME!!I WONT HURT SO MUCH!!why.............................................i don't wanna hurt...if only u cann hate me n hurt me...make me hate you more...den i wont feel so much in pain...shldn have went maple...you treated me lyk kinda normal?i don't wanna fall for u again...de hatred i finally was able to nurture towards u...just evapourated thank you...i'm lovin u a hell lot now...i don't wana...think backk n hurt so much i can't bear it...i don't wann break dwn in tears again...comin backk from thailand i finally stopped cryin...cos i was able to nurture a bit of hatred enuff to substain de will to cry n stop de unbearable hellish pain wthin n YET!gone...its gone...u have a new girl now right?leave me alone...MAKE ME HATE YOU!DEN i'll b happy!DEN i wont cry so much...DEN den at least i might stop lovin as tym goes by eventually...u woo-ed me...love-ed me...broke-ed me...dao-ed me...n i wann hate you...for all you've done...all de pain all de lies...I DON'T WANN LOVE YOU ANYMORE!!I DON'T WANNA!!CAN YOU FEEL MY PAIN DUDE?CANN U SEE DE SADNESS IN MY EYES?CANN U HEAR MY STILL SHATTERIN HEART?can u stop it pls?you have de power whilst i have de will...my will won't win...only de powers will...ewEnNy~!i don't know wad to do anymore...

ewEnNy~!

my dearest decmber o5

i miss you

i miss da pig i love

de eEyoRe who loved me

i wann you backk

i wann to b dEaD

JUST HOW MUCH LONGER TO DE END OF ME?

i need my pocket knife

i wann feel skin dept pain

i feel no hatred but pain

fugg it

ewen i wann u

14 june 2oo6

11.18.p.m.

[[new za bor]]

2006-06-14T06:53:00.000-07:00

everytym i return from a long trip n i wanna blog abt it something alwais spoils my mood...FA FEE DA!!I'M NOT DUMB!

i cann trust u not to hurt me but i can't trust u to tell me de truth.

went orchard meet szetoh n he treated me TCC. went play dota. don came. went to watch RV. lionel met us at plaza after dat. walked arnd. den went home.

whee you found some1 new aye?trashed our ring aye?trashed de pillow aye?fa la dee da!he ho ha ha!screw you dude!you cant love how to u get some1 new?screw u mann!
shall not care.
shall give any gift to you.
shall not think.
screw u dude!!u liar!diamond my ass!unbreakable my ass!O levels my ass!mid year my ass!still love me my ass!parents my ass!forever my ass!FOREVER IS A LIE DUDE!!FUCK OFF!GO SCREW SHIMS!EWEN YEO YOU FUCKIN BASTARD!

i'm lesbian!!

searchin for girls!!

14 june 2oo6

9.49.p.m.

[[trip in thailand , ytd n de day b4]]

2006-06-13T19:17:00.000-07:00

1st!

i shall blog abt after i came backk from thailand den i will blog abt WHEN i was in thailand...

monday ;

went orchard with Bryan Boey , sharalyn and met szetoh n den we went cine play para n all den dean came n we brought tickets for cars n den went to play lan n den went to watch de show at 2.4op.m. ...so nice cann?hahahs...shar n i were wearin skirt with our boot brought from thailand!!xDD a bit mad thou...hahahs...shar was dressed from HEAD to TOE in thailand goods!!her jacket i wanted de skirt i choosed for her n de bag n de boots i choosed...all of which she was wearin!!hahahs..den we went outside cine cos dey were all feelin so cold n all n shar started to torture me in front of every1!!lyk wad de heck?HOI I NOT YOUR TOY LA!!tell u stop u dowan n threaten to whack me..i don't care wad shyt ah beng frens u have i will still slap u mann!!but i alwais try to avoid fights...i dowan trouble...xDden she wanted to go heeren so we went der n took neos n so happened don came den...hahahs...den we walked arnd a lil den she went off...n farnie thing was she went off n jason came lyk 3mins l8r?hahahs...he missed see-in her!!hahahs...idiot...den we went paradiz played pool den lan n i kena trashed again I KNOW T.T...ok i suck at dota happy?x(( hahahs...den went dean's hse fer a lil while den i was home...xDD

tuesday ;

ytd went sentosa with bryan shar n zhijun...wanted to tann but NO SUN LA!!x((idiot weather!!T.T den der were so many ppl LC-in dat i was so irritated cann??wan LC go home LC morons!!n 1 couple were pratically makin out in de sea n ZJ n i was lyk UUHHH!!bryan n shar were alone in de sea cos i advised to leave dem der...ZJ n i chatted n all n we went to bath den went 7.11 eat maggie mee...xD den went to eat new zealand ice-cream den we decided to go bike BUT. Zj fell dwn n den we had to piggy back her to wash her knee n den when my turn was over n it was shar's turn to piggy back i chatted a lil with bryan...n u know wad dat idiot called me??CHICKEN LITTLE!!AAAHH!!!MOUSE IDIOT N NOW CHICKEN LITTLE!!T.T wad nxt?ggrrr....den szetoh sms-ed me so i called him n den i went to meet him n lionel n we kinda stoned totally...but so called chatt la...quite fun?hhahahs...den went on de bus with lionel n i dii xiao him...hahahs...he damn farnie n damn fun to play with...LOLS!!

kayy la...thailand tym thou i cant really rem everything...

MONDAY - singapore / thailand / MBK shoppin center

woke upp at 5 plus n arrived at de airport at near 6 n met Jing jie n we walked arnd with my junior shawn n den we went to eat n den shar came n den we gathered not long l8r n blah blah blah...checked in for de flight n i realised my dearest senior YUNTING came to send us off n jane n szemian...den we went off for our flight...b4 boardin de plane der was this telephone booth which cann make free calls so i did...n 1 to ewEn which i hung up there after de 1st ring... on de plane i sat nxt to Mrs Chan's pri school mate cos de seatin arrangment was hay wire n may was sittin at de far end of my row...i got a window seat!hahahs...den i slept through out de trip der...hahahs...but i did enjoy de scenery up b4 i slept...n dat idiot school mate of Mrs. Chan had de wake me upp 5 tyms for de most idiotic reasons!! 1- he tried to force feed some food into my mouth n i was lyk DOWAN LA! 2-he reached across to pull upp de panel 3- he pushedupp my seat cos we were goin to land n he still lauff when i got a shock 4- he poked me so hard just to ask if my seat belt was fastened when it was so obvious it was on my lap! 5- he kicked me GRAH!!i didn sleep anymore after dat but i was lyk...! #$%^!%^&*?den arrived n all...went to de hotel n den chcked in...i was supp to b in de same room as shar n Mrs. Chan cos we groupedupp ourselves wantin it to b dat way but cos der was only two beds in de rom some1 hadda go jiaen's n may's room in which upon decision was me...blah blah blah...unpacked a lil den we went on de bus to MBK for shoppin!!xDDD

shoppin!!

we spilted in gruops n only me n shar were together n we went mad lookin for stuff to buy...we went all de way to de last floor n den went into this shop n i brought a white skirt in which i kinda regretted n i wanted a refund but dey didn let me...x(( but i bargained de price dwn from 1.2K to 6oo...hahhas...pro?xDDden we went to another shop n saw some really nice betty bop's wallet but we didn buy...hahhas...

shall blog l8r i'm rushin late n WAD DE HECK MY POST GONE AGAIN!!SCREW DE DUMB BLOGGER LA!!

surasakmontree
i love de kids!
i missed him so much
but he doesn give a shyt right?
14 june 2oo6
i still wann u backk...
11.19.p.m.

[[ytd n today ; pretty zzZz]]

2006-06-04T07:54:00.000-07:00

saturday -
went for trainin...was kinda late by 15mins?but dey haven start....dunnoe y i wasn feelin very well...went trainin n i nearly puked...felt giddy n i stopped alot of tym...i felt so useless n whilst i was comin backk from de toilet i cried...=.=den towards de end had debriefin n all...den went home pack luggague n went meet szetoh dey all...went der say dean szetoh jason n some familiar girl whom i found out was joanna from valentine's day de triple date dat 1...i was lyk WAD DE HECK?but ntin else to say...called don asked him come n den dean said - you have 1o mins to get your ass here n don came...but i guess ewEn's prolly not very happy especially with me...ZZZ den dean hadda go n den joanna started askin me whether ewen n i was together n all n i was lyk...no...n i tried not to but i cried..a lil...ntin to say...den don came n we wanted to playpool but SMART!no space!den went paradiz n i wanted to play rock fever n i ask joanna if she cann play n she ws lyk ya i cann but i will fail n etc etc etc but how was i to know she doesn know a shyt abt how to play it?zzZz...den don hadda go cos his dad come to pick him upp n den nigel came n den we decided not to play n go home den we went home...oh ya i had fever n headache fer de whole day...
frankly i don't really lyk joanna cos idunnoe...she wear such a short skirt n she scared upskirt den she wear for wad n she dunnoe how to play den she act?zzZz...but overall she's OK la...kinda...

today/sunday -
THINK!!I WONT B HERE IN ANOTHER 12 HOURS!!O"O
met szetoh n wentto play arcade a lil den went BK den went pool area meet jason n den don came n de farniest thing was nigel n dean could come n jason n don couldn initially but den dey came n dean n nigel couldn come...oh wells...den we went marina n ate at foodcourt n den went to bowl...quite sian...den went backk le...

WHOO BOY!!YOU GOT POLIC CASE?21st june after ur b'dae?wtf?i cried bcos of u just now cann?wad de hell did u do?i know i'm in no position to care but wad de hell?zzZz idunnoe le la!!

PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOUR SELF!!

i'm sick of carin for you

n i think my headache got worst

i'm gonna die in bangkok la!!

FISH FISH FISH!!

o4 June 2oo6

11.27.p.m.

[[long blogg post ; long overdued]]

2006-06-04T07:51:00.000-07:00

so sorry for de lagg in bloggin....ok here's ur post...

tuesday - went for de stuupid thing cos my dad forced me to go...i quarreled with him n half way talkin i hung upp de fone...den i yelled at my mom den i went outta de hse...walkin thru de carpark i cried...i tried not to but it just came dwn...zzZz...den went school felt darn sian...den l8r der is this really FARNIE GUY ramesh or something...his jokes r lame n farnie...i lauff my ass off but he said suddenly something abt GBR n i was lyk..........den afte dat i couldn lauff properly...ZZZZ...den he started on parents n etc n yelled n all n said if our parents left hink of wad would happ n all...we all cried...i cried alot...den l8r we got a break n i was still cryin...shar n ZJ was also cryin by den...i stopped cryin n ask dem not to cry den de more i said i de more i felt my tears come out den i really BURST out cryin damn loud...den after a min i tot...kkies stop cryin...as hard as it is i gotta stop dem...so for dem...i stopped...thou it's hurtin badly n i tried to stop dem from cryin...oh zzz...den aft break tot go backk all over...HE MADE US CRY mailto:AGAIN!!!@#$%^&!$%^&*@#^&* zzZz...den went home...

wednesday - went again...cried again!!but had fun!!xDDD

thurdays - went meet ZJ n shar supp to playpara para but it wasn open...den we went to collect our fotos for de modelin thingy...den we went to play para para...den met szetoh...he called jason to come...den pho came...with her fren shu...shar was with bryan...blah blah blah...jason came den qian came...dean's ex...den ZJ asked me go watch the nun with her n ZJ n QY n zhi hong n i asked jason dey all along but dey were waitin for lionel[jun qing] to come so i was decidin so i decided to go with jason dey all...talked to pho dey all...some abt ewen...den we decided go heeren den pho n shu wanted to para a while more so dey went to para whilst me jason szetoh n qian went heeren...szetoh n jason played xbox n me n qian watch em play den lionel came...i didn knew he was lionel cos i expected him to b more english lookin n i heard he was VERY good lookin but when i saw i was lyk...uhh...woah ok la...i prefer ewen?den pho came n she loast her wallet...sigh idunnoe wad to say...den i ask pho this...has ewen kissed any girl b4 n she was lyk DUH n etc etc etc n i cried...in de middle of orchard...n de farnie thing was i still had BLUE mascara on so it was lyk...=.= den we went cine to watch de nun...=.= den pho dey all watch le so me jason n szetoh n lionel watch...qian went off...den i was lyk ZZZZZZ on de show cos i was scared lyk shyt.....den we went off at abt 1o...den jason was abt to send me home nearin don's hse der when dean sms-ed jason he free?so we got dwn n went to look for dean...talk n all...dey den sent me home...

fridayy - was supp to go trainin but i hell overslept...=Xx den went maple n found out how haolian ewen was....lyk mailto:wt!@%^!^&*!@%^&amp;*?ZZZ den szetoh and don asked me out so i went...met dem at 5 aat plaza...only to find out dat dean n jason AND lionel was comin...=.= SO MANY GUYS AND ONLY ME DE ONLY GIRL!!!den me n don n szetoh went arcade...played a lil dean came n we went BK wait for jason...had laods of fun talkin to dem...lyk mad asses...den jason finally came n we went to eat ajisen...den had fun but jason went kinda quiet...den after we eat lionel came n we went bowlin...was SOOO FUN WITH EM thou i was kinda not really lauffin at a point i couldn get ewen outta my head...but when we at de bowlin alley we had SOO MUCH FUN!!I WAS LAUFFIN MY ASS OFF!!n dat stuupid dean named me MOUSE n put MOUSE under my bowlin name=.=...den dey keep MOUSE-in me...=.=i think it was 1 of de most fun tym i ever had...i was initially a lil afraid of lionel cos he was UHHH but after today at de bowlin alley...i think he's ok la...hahhas...cos ok...the groupin was lyk this...lione dean n don vs me jason n szetoh..i ned de 1st match but szetoh owned me...xpp...had fun i ikept yellin MISS at lionel n dean n some tyms dey did!!n lionel MOST OF DE TYM!!HAHAHS!!DAMN FARNIE!!den aft dat we went eat a lil den went home...

i love hangin with barker frens cos dey are so farnie n their joke r never endin!!you got a prob with dat?ya flirt so wad not happy?btw no 1 said anything i'm typin this in case ppl think some1 said something but i think some body MIGHT START sayin something...dos guys rawks n dey cann make me lauff!

EWEN YEO!! you maple so much fail so much I HOPE YOUR HAPPY!!YOU FLIRT SO MUCH N LIED SO MUCH I HOPE YOUR HAPPY!!I'VE MADE MY CHOICE!!its over...really...i guess
DONOVAN & SZETOH!! DONT PLAY SO MUCH GAME N STUDY LA!!and you uys rawk!!I LOVE YOU DUDES!!as fren hor mai anyhow think...xDDlets go out more!!x))
JASON & DEAN!! gambateneh in your studies and lets got out more!!XDDD
LIONEL QIAN & PHO!! WHOO~!LETS GO OUT MORE MORE MORE!!xDDD

i jues wonder...how long cann this last?'s too good to b true...all this real laufter and fun...i guess its gonna b over soon?NO!!!i really dont want this to end...

ewEnNy?

baBy eEyoRe?

where'd you go?

don , szetoh , jason , dean , lionel , qian n pho

i love you guys oh so much!!

LETS GO OUT MORE MORE MORE!!

never felt so happy b4

xDD

o3 June 2oo6

12.49.a.m.

[[quick 4 day post]]

2006-05-29T02:57:00.000-07:00

okies frankly i dont haveeeeee de mood to blog so i shall do a quick but simple 1...

lets start whr i left off

friday -
left de SPCA den we went to play pool...thing were ok until her BUTCH stead called...made her cry...i wanted to yell at de butch but she didn let me...after abt 2 hrs on de fone we went to play pool...couldn find space so darn sian decided to go home... reached hom jason told me dat he broke up with her...me asked me out to pei him so i did...went out at 8 plues liddat...met him n we walked arnd n talk a lil...mden dean came n we talk n blah blah blah...farnie thing was dean's 'girl' was supp to make jason happier but it was de opp...darn farnie cann?xpp den saw janice edna n jennifer n 1 more girl i forgot her name...dean jason n i went to play pool...i didn get to play cos de machine hate me n conked out ggrrr...went some whr to talk at deplayground n all...found out dat his so called '1st kiss' to me might not b his 1st tym kissin a girl...lyk wad de fish?i so wanted to scream n all...ya at 1 point of tym i nearly cried but i decided no i shldn cos i was supp to help jason not de other way round...he was kinda moody..=.= went home...dean accompanied me...xDD to my lift der...12plus reached n got home my father whacked me...=.= idiot

saturday -
went escape with ZJ...was so pissed cos her dad wanted me to push backk tym cos too early den i bo bian did but den her father down give her money so i went her hse n blah blah blah...we left the hse at 12.51 sharp...i was SOOOO pissed!!but went der was ok le la i tried to hold backk my anger...den whilst i was der some guys sat bhind me n ZJ on de rainbow asked for my number in de middle of de ride...=.=dey keep disiaon-in me la...den we went on rides n rides n rides...mad n dos uys followed us for a while...wth?went home at 1oplus...

sunday-
supp to go m'sia but i didn have my passport so i went orchard with my parents...watch x men 3...kinda nice...den we went to have hi tea!!xDDD den bowlin...den wanted to go KTV but my sis tired n it was ex...so we went marina to eat...SEAFOOD!but when i got der i kinda lost appetie...i rem i went ewEn's church BBQ der n idunnoe...just zzZz la...den went pasa malam with my sis just de two of us...brought quite a nice purse...my sis brought a smiliar 1 with me...went home n blah blah blah...watch show from 1a.m.-3a.m. in de mornin...2a.m. was de bachalor n i saw him LC-in de girls n i was lyk...wth!?!n i kinda cried...zZz...fish fish fish la kies?

monday / today -
supp to go rollarbladin n sing KTV with my sis n her frens but i didn feel lyk goin out...sian...and and...i think he lyks dat xicebergx girl...14 perfect for him ain't she?HUH?sigh...fish...i hate this feelin

untold jealously & anger

pain & sadness

fear & hatred

where's de joy & happiness?

oh wait

der isn't at all

WHERE'S MY POCKET KNIFE?

oh wait forget de pocket knife

i found de glass pieces...

oh shyt i gtg out

szetoh n jason n some guy

watch over dehedge again

=.=

29 May 2oo6

6.24.p.m.

[[random]]

2006-05-27T20:48:00.000-07:00

ytd night aft hangin upp with don i just cried...den jason sms-ed me n lyk wth?cann i lauff?thou i'm feelin so dwn...he sms-ed me cos he was sad n der i was being upset n cryin havin to console some1 who was also sad...?lyk wth?hahas?sigh i gtg my mom's yellin...

28 th May 2oo6

11.49.p.m.

i still wann u backk ewen

i still love you you bastard

i dont know if i shld let you go just yet

mayb fairytales r really all just a lie

EWEN I LOVE YOU!

BASTARD!

[[YOU AINT WITH ME WHY COPY MY NUMBERS!?!]]

2006-05-27T10:25:00.000-07:00

WAD IS WRONG WITH YOU EWEN?
I'VE TRIED TO SUBSTAIN THIS MUST ANGER N PAIN N HURT IN ME BUT YOU HAVE TO BLOODY BRING IT UPP!!1314 3344 IS SO MINE!!I CAME UPP WITH DE BLOODY NUMBERS N I BET YOU PPL DONT REALLY UNDERSTAND N YOU DARE TO USE IT FOR YOU N BRENDA WHEN WE WEREN'T TOGETHER!?!I DONT LYK PPL COPYIN ME!!MY DESIGN MY SIGNATURE STUFF!!YOU DARE TO EFF-IN PUT ON YOUR NICK - ~xicebergx & tycoewen3212. 1314 3344 LYK WTF?YOU KNOW WAD?I THINK MY HOLIDAY MOOD IS REALLY RUINED!!n i think you're together with her for real...n it's fuckin hurtin...i wann you backk ewEn...you...you...liar...i know how u really are now...sponger...

28th May 2oo6

1.27.p.m.

[[SPCA ; PEACHES & TOYO!!AAAHHxD]]

2006-05-26T03:58:00.000-07:00

DANG!!I'M IN LOVE!!WITH PEACHES & TOYO!!

went SPCA today with felicia...dropped off at paya laybar n didn know how to get der...so we took cab...in case you guys wanna go...i took de liberty of takin a foto of wad buses you wann take der...

93 ; 158 & 28

patetic ain't it?n de place is a lil ulu but STILL!!DE DONGS!!DE CATS!!DE KITTENS!!DE PUPPIES!!DE HAMSTERS!!DE RABBITS!!OMIGOSH SKI DAS!!KAWAII!!AAAHH!H!!MY PARADISE!!![[except for de stink smell dat is]]before i went der i surfed

http://www.spca.org.sg/adoption/adoption.asp

lookin at de dog fotos...my main targets in lookin for em were de puppies n kittens...but i didn c some of em...either dey were adopted or kept bhind...i wanted to see these few pets...[dogs]LUKA ; TOYO ; TINY ; ALYSSA ; ABEL ; [cats] KINTA ; TILLY ; ANDY ; SKY ; [hamsters] SQUEAK - but a sad case...i only got to see a few...most of em dunnoe went whr...x(( i wanted to see tilly de kitten , sky de kitten , abel de puppy , alyssa de puppy , tiny de puppy , luka de puppy , and toyo de puppy most but i only got to see toyo...x(( NO FAIR!!WHR DID DE REST GO??HRUMPHF!!n after some tym felicia got bored n kept tryin to dragg me away n blamed toyo for bein der n keepin me der...hahahs...she wanted to go play pool but i wanted to stay...xDD okies enuff jabbers now fotos 1st!!

THIS. is a puppy 6months old...can't remhis name but he was friendly...he lyks to lick my fingers...hahahas...wanted to go in n play but der wasn't any1 arnd n felicia kept wantin me to go play pool...

he hates de camera...=.=

der finally but it is so blur...i know my fotography sucks n my camera sucks too la xDD AIN'T HE CUTE??xDDDD

he was drinkin water...i took a shot but he's all black...=.=

some really old but cute dog...felicia lyks her...cos she doesn big nor scratch...x))

erm i also dont know his name but he was in his cage with his siter[below]

his sister

both of em...AIN'T DEY CUTE??PUPPIES!!9 months old i think...xDD
SO CUTE RIGHT??xDDDDD

[but i love Toyo more xDDD(bias)]

barkin to de neighbourin cage.

some puppy who got thier injections...dey were lead out b4 n dey kept jumpin up on to me...hahahs...ADORABLE KAWAII!!

SO CUTE SO CUTE MUAAA!!!!

*DRUM ROLL*

NOW FOR MY FAVOURITES....................

PRESENTIN........................................

TOYO!!*SCREAMS & FAINTS* MY ADORABLE CUTE BABY PUPPY I'M IN LOVE WITH!!

HIS TINY FIGURE FLOPPY EARS N KID LYK BEHAVIOUR!!

AAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i went in his cage n played with him n he bite my jeans non-stop!!!!n he even bit a hole in one place...=.= lols...i hadda sooth him but it didn work...for a while it did n he was calm...den he started jumpin on me n tryin my bite me...=.= lols...TOYO!!WO YONG YUAN ZI CHI NI!!MUACCKKSS!!!!!!!!xDDDD

Toyo ignores me after i went out of de caage x((

now he doesn...cos i stuck my finger in for him to bite...=.=

SO CUTE RIGHT??I WANN!!6MONTHS OLD NIA!!WO YAO!!TOYO!!xDDDD smuackk muackk muackk!!!x)))

*DRUM ROLLS*

AND NOW FOR DE FINAL n MOST ADORABLE CREATURE.........

PRESENTIN MY NXT LOVE..........

PEACHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1.5MONTHS OLD!!SO TINY SO TEENY SO ADORABLE SO CUTE SO SWEET SO SO!!*faints*

I LOVE YOU PEACHES!!WO YONG YUAN ZI CHI NI HE TOYO!!MUACCK MUACKK MUACKK!!!!i love her to pieces!!she is so scared cann?so poor thing...felicia loves her too...lols...she loves her so much she got scratch by her till she bleed...lols...xp this kawaii kitten..LOVE TO SCRATCH ARH!!i kena scratch by her once!!n de cat blow kept tryin to scratch us...=.=

see felicia nearly kena scratch...SHE SO HYPER ACTIVE CANN??xDD

but nvm i still love her...PEACHES!!!!

SEE!!SHE LOVE SCRATCHIN!!DIDN I SAY SO!!xDDD even thou she scratches...SHE STILL SO ADORABLE CANN??xDDDD

SEE SEE!!SCRATCHER!!SO CUTE!!SO SWEET!!<3333333333

ok i think i wont blog furthur more...i gotta go meet jason...dat poor guy just broke up...ZZZZ!!WHY ON EARTH IS WRONG THIS YEAR??I'M PISSED WITH THISYEAR!!GRAAHH!!!

26 May 2oo6

8.24.p.m.

[[good/bad day]]

2006-05-25T08:06:00.000-07:00

agney pie came my hse...watch wendy n casper...ate smashed potato dat i cooked...xD...surfed net...went to eat ramen...quite fun...beats being cooped up at home alone...after she left...i walked home alone...kinda feared being alone in de dark...called don n WOAH!busy talk l8r bye *KAPS* i was pissed...i hardly got to say anything...puttin it aside...tried chattin to him on msn n he's lyk ignorin me...dunnoe y i was so pissed...i deleted him...wth cann?den josphy was nxt as usual...weirdo cann?he said two of his fren wanted to know me den dey added me den one kept goin wo ai ni wo ai ni zheny lyk wth?i dont know dem la n josphy gave me attitude...=.= SUA LA!maple lost its meanin le la...my close fren 1 by 1 wann ke siao den ke siao lorh...1st ewen now frens...NXT?

i dont know wad's this i feel

anger cos of ...?

i think but i dont know

wad de shyt

NOT AGAIN!

25 may 2oo6

GIRL I KNOW YOUR JEALOUS

sharalyn

dont say we go modellin thingy is a waste

I KNOW you're jealous!

11.o3.p.m.

[[modellin]]

2006-05-24T08:29:00.000-07:00

ytd went for de modellin thingy...was late but we notified em...dey asked me to take out my specs n dey put on make up for me 1st...was so so so THICK!n ZJ was lauffin at me...gleep...den went to take causual shot...dey hadda touch up on my makeup alot of tyms...lyk uhh...den changed into a bridal 1...den nxt was ZJ's turn...my gosh she looked so drop dead gorgeous n i think she did better den me...ZZZZZZZZ!de whole thing took abt 5hrs...just 5o shots n i was completely wipedd out...n den we went PS wantin to eat...i dont know y...i just got pissed suddenly n i broke dwn bhind PS...i told ZJ it was cause of ewEn de thing...ya partially...mnost part of it yes but still...der r a few other reasons...

today meet de parents...went to school feelin happy...cos it was de start of holidays...sis sent me to school...i went canteen to take my exlink from sameul 1st...den on my way upp i saw VB charity fund raisin n dey asked me to help...i didn know cos i alwais ponn trainin n i was lyk...i took 3 weeks off from work to NOT work n der i was workin again...hahahs...den met Mr.Ho he told me to jia you cos i cann do better n etc etc.tQ i guess i have to put de dumb breakup bhind n buck upp...den i went backk helpin Vb n willaWOOO!!mdm lim came n saw me n told Mr.Lum n Mrs.Chan dat i didn hand in my art this term n my DISTINCTION grade dropped to a fail n Mrs.Char was lyk wad happen to you?it is such a drastic dropp n i just smiled n shrugged...Mr.Ho too just now...he was lyk al de teachers r sayin i dropped alot in all classes...but heyy i still passed most...i failed two...surprisinly i tot i'll fail alot...oh wells...

dont know why am i so upset pissed up n seekin for attention now...i only know i wan get out of this mad hse...i mean my parents n sis n aunt r nice but STILL!i wann out...i need to breathe...i'm gettin sick of being cooped upp in this hse...i think i've been home 1second too long...n now i wann out...ZZZZZZ

two nights ago...i shed a SINGLE tear for sherlyn...i dont know why...i just tot backk n 1 tear just dropped..i guess it is prolly guess i'm upset by de fact dat she isn de sweet lil innocent girl i used to know...lets go backk to when i 1st met her shall we?

P4 . i saw her.sweet n innocent with a lil doggie...loved dogs n went upp to play with it...knew her thru her dog...aftr dat we stopped contactin...

P6.went to play rock fever...saw her again n we played together...grew close to each other aft dat...we alwais hung together bitchin n playin rock fever n xbox n counterstrike n para para n etc. you cann say she was my closest fren dat tym?

sec1.it was when it all started...playin counterstrike...a group of guys approached me n asked for my number...i gave em cos dey were pretty cute n all...sherlyn knew em thru me after dat...she claimed she smoked b4...n i was lyk oh ok but dont start...dos guys...we knew more bengs thru dem n lians...i kinda strayed a lil den...but she strayed more...she was vulgar crude n really bitchy...i rem she alwais will want to GET any guy dat i lyked!dun long,liyong,raymond, etc.n der was also Zhang Zhong...he lyked us both...we both lyked him...but i didn say...she confessed 1st n she got him...i kept quiet...he became my gor aft dat...she alwais got her way...alwais bullied me...thou i'm older den her by 1...Zhang Zhong came complianin to me not long aft sayin he cant stand her but by den my feelin for him was nothing more den a bro...

you might ask why i still stuck with her when she was so mean to me but she was de 1 dat knew me best n protected me...especially de dunlong n liyong tym...sec1 thru end of sec 2...no matter how many ppl i lyked i alwais loved liyong...n sometyms dunlong...

sec2.dun long i broke le...but i still lyked him a lil...dat tym...we went bendeemer...saw him...he gan-ed us off bendeemer...i just cried n ran off...whilst she scolded him for me...whenever i was bullied or hurt she'll help n b der...budden...i started hangin out with my school mates...she tried to ask me out many a tyms...but i rejeected cos i dont lyk de way she acted n attracted ah lians...i feel bad now but still...

sec3.it was den...i stopped hangin with her n controllin n lookin after her...she started to smokin...den she lost it...she was nearly pregenant...she skipped school...worried her mother...dropped outta school went backk n dropped out again 3 4 tyms...de last i heard of her was dat she went into girls home...my sweet lil innocent girl...who would tot she'll go bad lyk dat?i miss her frankly as much of a bitch she was...she got into alot of trouble but still...

n den der were others dat i shed dat tear for but it was mostly cos of sherlyn...

der was thomas...my childhood fren...from when i was born into this world a few days old i knew him till now...i stopped contactin him when i was sec 2.n derrick...i knew him durin p.3...we 3 alwais were together...desmond,derrick's bro...only 17 but married...got some girl pregnant n married her...nick,thom's bro...18 i think...i hardly see or talk to him but i still talk to shao wei his ex class mate...shao wei is still as cute as ever!xD n den peter...sometyms he'll hang with thom n derrick n i...n den bernice...she migrated to canada...lorraine...she went france...yuan ting...australia...der r many many frens...i missed so much...n i cant slavage de frenship ever again...i dont wann lose contact with any of my frens but was's gone is gone...n now i wann treasure em...i'm glad i'm gettin closer to don i think but i doubt...der ever will b some1 dat will understand me as well as sherlyn ever did...n don...dat idiot?alwais maplin...dowan go out n all...moron...pean?no more feels for him merely dat of a fren...but still...we cant talk much...don is more fun but idunnoe...i wan get closer to him as a fren dat is but sometyms i feel i cant reach him...i gave upp on agnes...she n cacelia dat big tym bitch...nearly de whole school dat knows her detests her...n i dont understand y agnes is with her...BLEH!der will b some frens hu i wont b able to reach n some i cann...i dont know wad to do anymore...n i dont think any1 bothers readin my posts properly...some just come n tagg...lyk wad de heck la...might as well say hi to me on msn?

lost

confused

in a daze

24 May 2oo6

11.57.p.m.

[[fotos finally!!]]

2006-05-22T09:01:00.000-07:00

-- sunny side SENTOSA ; my tannin island i love dat place!

AAHH!!I LOVE DAT DOG SO MUCH!!cute ain't it? xD

-- i was in de lift ; after da break with him my dressin sense ain't de same

shut the eff upp by - ewEnNy
--my sweet lil cousin christie and jeremy~!xD

I LOVE JEREMY!!SO CUTE!!

--hilda me hazel
--jeremy ellic christie

sigh i give upp so many fotos i uploaded gone...dumb ass...i shall upload nxt tym...all fotos dat i uploaded are strictly taken by ME or my frens usin MY camera or handfone ; strictly dont ripp...ARGH TENS OF PICS GONE!!GGRRR!!!

i won't lie

he added me backk on maple but

EWENNY WO AI NI!

WATASHI SKI ANAATA!

I NEED YOU BABY I REALLY DO!!

23 May 2oo6

5th month anniversary just went by w/o speakin

today's de modellin thing...

i'm frightened

if only you were here to comfort me

all would b well

ewEnNy ;

i love you oh so much

12.o5.p.m.

think -

in another 15 hours

i'll b takin model shots

i need you ewEn

[[pain stabbs once more]]

2006-05-20T07:29:00.000-07:00

supp to work today.
went with jennifer n janice to orchard n den took neos.
met felicia at orchard mrt.
went toa payoh.
didn feel lyk workin.
so i didn worked.
felt so bored.
went bishan watch over de hedge.
nice touchin sweet.
i dont know wad is wrong with me.
on de way home
passed his hse.
tears just flowed.
i dont know why.
i felt so hurt.
it took me longer today to walk home.
i took wice de tymin.
i was thinkin.
reflectin.
wonderin.
thinkin.

i never believed in patchin.
cos once you broke
patchin means dat de feelin ain de same anymore.
i dont know why.
i cried on de way home.
i dont know why.
i made this pact myself.
dat i will change
dat i will stop
dis attitude of mine
CAL[chao ah lian]
dis addiction of mine
EWENPRESSION
dis tots of mine
from now on
other den dos who know my blog
i wont tell ppl i love ewen
i will just go......
i dont lyk any1

de deal made

pact closed

form signed

its done

no more turnin backk

you're outta my lyf...

hopefully...

UNhappy 5th month anniversary sweetie

2o'12'2oo6

2 n a half month have gone by

n still its hurtin...

1o.26.p.m.

[[engaged?vic n azlinda?]]

2006-05-19T07:37:00.000-07:00

ytd i found out i failed art...sigh den blah blah blah...sms-ed alot in class...den tot backk n i nearly cried...idunnoe wad wrong i did...n idunnoe but i feel it was my fault...dat he started smokin when he was with me...n i didn know until now...why?why did i do something wrong or something?why did he touch dat filthy thing?why toxicate his body?glad he stopped but...WHY?DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG?WAS IT MY FAULT?

went tiong after school with shar n ZJ n QY n on de bus i scolded shar for slittin herself so many tyms n she said backk dat i have no rights to say her cos i alsi slit n i diam diam n i cried a lil cos lyk...she mention ewen...sigh...poseidon is nice n i cried when i watch it...x) QY gave me 5bucks to eat...xD den went home n i dropped my ezlink on de bus n sam picked it upp...thx senior...x)) n i nearly cried cos i tot if it wasn for samuel ewen's foto would b gone...i dont care abt de others but its just DAT particular neoprint...fish...he deleted me in maple n he claimedhe got hacked n half of his buddy list was deleted n why HALF?lyk wth?DOWAN ADD DEN DONT LA MOFO!DONT ADD LA!I DONT CARE ANYMORE KIES?WE GO SEPARATE WAYS FROM NOW ON!I SEE YOU DONT SMILE OR SAY HI!I DONT WANNA ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR EXISTENCE!I DONT WANNA KNOW YOU!I WANNA ERASE ALL MY PRECIOUS MEMORIES WITH YOU!!I DONT WANN THINK OR YOU! I DONT WANN HURT COS OF YOU!I DONT WANNA CHANGE COS OF YOU!I DONT WANNA KNOW YOU I WANNA TAKE BACKK ALL OUR MEMORIES!!please?i really wanna let this go now...its hurtin way too much...i'm sick of gettin jealous...i'm sick of hurtin i'm sick of everything...why do i have to...i dont know ewen i really dont know...i know i dont know i dont dont dont know a thing...ewen...ewen...ewen...i cann still rem so many things...rem de feelin...rem de smell...rem de look...rem so many things in such details...n its effin hurtin...

viccintta i'm sorry abt farwan gettin engaged...i hope you'll b ok kies?you seem ok at tyms thou i know your hurtin deep dwn...cheer upp girl i'll alwais b here if u need me yea?

ewEn
ewEn
ewEn

ewEn
ewEn

ewEn
ewEn
ewEn

tomorrow

2o'o5'o6

cann you still rem?

cann you?

i wanna c myself bleed once more

wanna c me BLEED?
i bleed for YOU

19 May 2oo6

11.5o.p.m.

[[MOFO]]

2006-05-17T07:24:00.000-07:00

MOFO LA!!MY FATHER DOESN WANNA LET ME JOIN JUST BLOODY COS I DIDN GO SCHOOL TODAY WITH A FUCKIN REASON!MY THROAT WAS REALLY PAIN LA!!MOFO LA!I DONT CARE LA I WILL BORROW DE 288 FROM MY GOR N JOIN DE LARH!MOFO NABEI CHEEBYE KANASAI!MY DREAM JOB WONT B FUCKIN SMASHED BY YOU LA!KANINA!N JOSEPH!SHUT DE EFF UPP LA TALK SO MUCH!CRAPPIN ALL DE WAY!CAW AYE I'M FEELIN ALL EFF-EDUPP NOW LA!KANASAI!

every fuckin pain is floodin backk to me

HAPPY?

[[MODELIN]]

2006-05-17T05:56:00.000-07:00

ytd went for work...work until no voice today n sales ytd sucks...today went for modelin interview...yesh i am an official part tym model IF my mom is willin to pay 288!blasket i so hope i cann......................................

cant get you outta my mind

spammers at his blog

*sighs*

leave him alone cann?

www.brokenheartedlurve.blogspot.com

17 May 2oo6

n i still love you baBy

9.o9.p.m.

[[wad is this i feel?]]

2006-05-15T04:31:00.000-07:00

zzZz so LAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i nv go school today...zzZz...

found out from dEaR that HE recently went backk to his blog n read all de taggs................................................n i was lyk oh shyt?i tagged w/o thinkin dat he will go backk to his blog n read it...i dont intend in lettin him read it at all frankly...sigh n i ask dEaR wad was his reaction n he said de usual shyt...i lost my feelins...ya know wad?WADEVER!!i dont have de faith nor heart to even trust him anymore...i dont know wad to do anymore...it just simply...hurts...blasket...anyway i wanted to post this quite some tyms ago n dat is i am frankly very veyr veyr jealous of this post of beverly's blog...so friggin sweet...oh wells here goes...

i jus turned 15.

went out with tt special someone on the 28th.
and jus as the clock sturck midnight,
he brought me right to the centre of paragon
wished me and gave me the sweetest kiss ever.

i really thought that he didnt have time to get me a present
but he pulled out this lil jewelry box with a really sweet necklace in it.
awww. so sweet. i love it !!

but jus one thing is wrong with it.
i'm allergic to the chain.
so ytd i went to get a leather strap.

he made my birthday
SUPER EXTRA SPECIAL.

thank you baby.

and to everyone else that wished me,
THANK YOU !

aint dat enuff to make you friggin jealous?ggrrr...okies ntin else much to blog...so sian of lyk n i wanna stop ponnin school...i dont lyk de me now...i bet failed all my subs i bet...sigh i really h8 this...why am i changin so much i've often ask myself...for this worthless some1...i often reflect backk n wonder...wad IF...sigh...n when ever i think backk...i'll miss him even more as much as i dont wann...i really really really really....

gave me the sweetest kiss ever...?

i'm jealous i really am...

will dat ever...

Hashimoto Megu?

15 May 2oo6

7.41.p.m.

[[-mystery-]]

2006-05-14T06:02:00.000-07:00

who is dat -mystery- person? *breaks into hysterical lauffs* ITS ME LA BLUR!!beverly anne...oh if only she knew...she'll say i'mnot nice...her blog?

www.sugarcoated-gossip.blogspot.com

i tagg as mystery is cos if she knows its me she wont b happy...just dont lyk bev to b in a bad mood...her smile is sweet really...anyway i've decided...i wont tagg mean taggs but nice taggs from now on...here are taggs i've used b4...

...
-mystery-
dEaDhEaRt ;
lalaland
BITCH
.
-
annonymous
n of cos my all tym fav -
`huh??*

[[ytd n today ;mother's day]]

2006-05-14T05:44:00.000-07:00

ytd work n i got de best salls man!!hahahs...i mean for myself de target...i earned $211 buck...muhhahahs...saw jeraldine n keith n alot other fairsians...ntin much just dat i got 1o bucks bonus to take home ytd n de rest of de money will come in on tuesday...whee i cant wait...MONEH MONEH!!hhahas...went home takin 171...on de bus i cried...reason being?i was stressed really...work is just an excuse to try n get my mind off him...why is it so darn hard!?!sigh ppl say i workoholic but i just wann 4get him...frankly no money i dont caare as long as i cann b with him but still..................SNOZ!told pean dat i slit y wrist n all...n he was kindaa pissed....n i smsed alot of stuff to him...

today is mothers day...went for work n got 138 bucks...if i worked full day i bet i cann topp ytd's sales...xpp...kenneth came dwn to support ZJ...n i saw him n ask him to support me...lols...fun den went hard rock cafe meet mom n dad n sis n bf to celebrate mother's day...had tenderloin steak n some really nice desert...YUMMY!!kies wont blog much...v. tired...

i dont lyk ppl to copy me...espicially my style...n u tried copyin my heart n u couldn but i dont lyk...n stuff lyk a phrase i came upp with is precious to me cos it meant abt my feelings...n i dont lyk it bein copied...it really...i didn wanna bring it upp to u face to face but if u read this please stop...i dont lyk it...

PRETTY BOY!

I MISS YOU AND YOUR KISSES BAYBEH!

when will you come backk to me?

i read ur past sms-es last night

n it was all a lie...

couldn stop cryin...

PRETTY BOY I NEED YOU!

14 May 2oo6

8.54.p.m.

*take me*

backk to

*the past*

[[ytd n work]]

2006-05-12T09:42:00.000-07:00

ytd went town with Zj look for work n found a few...b4 i went to meet ZJ at her hse i hadda alight n change bus n since i was wearin a short skirt i stopped at a place which was supp to have VERY LIL ppl budden der was this guy on a motorbike horn me n smile a tico smile...lols?but he was goodlookin xp...

today went work...so fun kies!?!i think i did pretty ok la...got to know to friends thru der...edna jennifer n janice...all super sweet...lols...so fun kies?btw we went bishan der wanted to look for ewen...went his hse knock...assh0le nv ans...wahlao i go dat area alrdy wann cry le...zzZz...so many memories...n whilst at orchard i tried to pitch sales to some cute guy but too old...lols...he say wad will buy if get my number...n i told him you so much older den me get for wad?xpanyway lazy blog...n n...

ewEnNy wo hen xiang ni!!

*sighs*

if it is poss i wann b with you again

i'll wait but is it worth it?

de pain remiscenes

you liar...

13 May 2oo6

12.51.p.m.

[[wanna see me bleed?]]

2006-05-10T06:36:00.000-07:00

ytd night...felt effin down...sms-ed pean but he got kinda irritated by me i guess?cos i was feelin dwn iiin i was freakin sad...disaaaaaappointed in so many ppl...HIM n HER esp...SHE - when she had operation n lost her memo u think i cried for her n paryed for her so dat she can go slit her wrist n go hospital?to give up on lyf so easily? HIM - i trusted you n i was wrong...inearly fell out with my fren cos of you...so feelin all pissed n upset...whilst cryin till i could c nothing...i slit n slit n slit until when i cleared my eyes i saw blood...x a bit only la...n i was lyk...OW PAIN!!!den pean smsed me sayin dat dont scare him cos i nv reply...n he asked me call him...didn wanted to but i did after a while...n dat dummy didn know i was cryin...lols?de dumb thing hurted until this mornin...

went school...topped art last term but due to SOME stuff i lost interest in studyin...my top in ss n art will go dwn...not say topp but ss top girl n art 2nd...oh wells...i didn do a blo.0dy hw or anything so if i fail it would b a wonder...frankly i dont wanna blog...i'm pissed...aftr school went with ZJ cleo QY n ryan to jog...me n ZJ lagged bhind n chatted...i was just listenin to her mostly hopin she will feel better to have a listener...she n nikki is over...n i'm angry with nikki...sigh i dont know...ZJ found out i slit wrist n she told me off...when i told her i'm interested in smokin she told me off sayin if she found out...zzZz...wad de hell is wrong with me?its lyk i'm losin control of myself...sigh i dont wanna blog anymore...

wanna see me bleed?

i bleed bcos i still care

and want

you backk

i'm hurtin baBy i really am

badly

1o May 2oo6

waddaya know abt ME?

9.42.p.m.

doubt you know

i'm changin...

swearin n stuff

slitin n smokin

even my dressin sense?

[[pisseddupp]]

2006-05-07T21:12:00.000-07:00

man oh mann...
ytd went out with fel n amanda to celebrate amanda's b'day...shopped around...blahblahblah...

WHO AM I KIDDIN!?!i'm just not in de mood to blog...

he delete our fotos...good sign?NOT...little flame in side me has just flickered out...no hope...pain...freak it...i cried again ytd night...de tiredness has wore off...now i'm startin it all over again...ponned school today...pissed to de fact dat when i came backk some moron went to slit herself n made it bleed...i cant stand ppl slittin thier wrist...if its some1 close...i'll get mad...de closer you are to me de more pain n anger i will feel...i know...i do dat too but i dont anymore?only once n i dont think i will anymore?idont know...i cant stand smokers too...but now...idunnoe...i'm curious will it really make u feel better?i might start..i have no freakin idea if i wanna n i know i shldn...n i doubt i will?cos i alwais hated de smell smoke gives out...friggin smelly...stinks...but now...sigh wads is wrong man?i'm totally changin n losin a grip on myself...many a tyms i look backk n wonder how would things b lyk if i didn do this n dat n this n dat...kinda stinks ehh?sherlyn called me ytd when i was with amanda n fel...she called me to ask me wad happ to me y i slit my wrist...obviously i couldn ans cos my fone was spoilt...its servicin now btw...i smsed her sayin i'll get backk to her soon...i know if i told her n she found out how he looks lyk he'll b a goner...lil kid under gangsters...protective of me n some other frens...bullies me but damn nice to me too...younger den me but i dont know...she was darn close to me durin sec 1 n 2...so many things changed...hate changes...i want backk my old carefree life...arcadin all de way...dont care so much n never knew wad was real love...didn know da blasket liar...playboy...FLIRT!blo.0dy pissed...just so friggin wanna end life...

btw my camp post will take some tym to complete...when it is completed i will repost it on top...chck backk for more details n oh ya...jing n me ok luh...thanks to camp i think?

happy belated b'day amanda jie

sick of tears ; sick of fears

changin more?

o8 May 2oo6

12.19.p.m.

2006-05-06T04:15:00.000-07:00

tywWUHA!!!!!!!!backk from OBS!!!!!!!!!
here's my entry for it yea!!!!!!!!!
but before dat...i'd advise you...take a cup of coffee or something n something to munch on...pretty long...hahhas...x)) enjoy n learn wad OBS is lyk n about n wad u have to bring der...x)) n n...i miss all my frens...

Day 1 -
woke upp feelin damn hyper...father went to fetch agnes since it was on de way...reached school...met jing jie...still wasnt on good terms with him BUT he came n talk to me....thinkin was cos Glenys wasnt der but dat wasnt de case...anyway...assembled...took transport bus paid by de school der...kin hou wasnt der so i sat alone but i pairedupp with yulian anyway...
reached de jetty...saw bendeemerians...n i was lyk...uhhh...gui duan dii is der........................n i tried not to look der...me n some otherr frensss took de 2nd boat der...only 15 ppl cann go on board so annette n yulian was left bhind...b4 i went on de boat...i heard gui duan yellin - EWEN - n i looked backk n i stared but i didn know whr was he...n i turned backk...hahahs...den i went with julia, lilin, bao yue,wilson,caleb n others...was super fun talkin to dem...de lauffed lyk mad on de 5mins boat journey to palau ubin...
upon reachin...we lugged out bags on n we saw...........de jetty...onse side have railins de other side NO railins...lyk wad de heck....wad if we dropp dwn!?!hahahs...n i was lyk uhh nvm...i looked in de water n i yelled out loud...guess wad we all saw?JELLYFISHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!*faints*i tell u i freaked out...der were so many of em floatin around...n i quickly walked on...assembled at de multi purpose hall aka MPH...waited for de others...n group 14 n 13 were havin a whale of a tym lauffin n yellin n playin around...caleb, me julia, yulian, bao, wilson, annette n etc...we kept pretendin wad urm...julia was a wall or invisible n kept sayin y walls got haif why got floatin shirt n etc...lols...darn farnie...den i started thinkin...if bendeemerians were here...n gui duan's in dun long class...wont he b here...?n i started gettin impatient waitin for dem to come...[btw dun long is my ex]n when dey came...i saw him...n i was lyk...oh shyt................
after briefin...we gathered in our groups...my group name was magallen...lols...julia's group was marco polo...der were 15 ppl in my group...girl ; yu lian, baoxian, jocelyn, samie n of cos me - boys ; samuel, hann ken[ken], leroy, jun wei, kin hou[who came l8r], joash, mark, johnathn, casper and jazmon...our instructor was iskanda renin...we call him is...lols...farnie guy...better den marco polo's 1...so fierce...xpp...n is so smart told us now is it jellyfish season n mosquito seaon n flies season...*faint*...lols...den we played de game which we hadd hold hands in a circle n a round rop will b in der n we al gotta fit thru de rope 1 by one...hahahs...den der was a SUPPOSEDLY tough one but it was juat a trick...we gott put our left hands under our legs n hold de person bhind us de right hand but some smart ass found out dat we cann step over our left hand n we will b standin upp makein things easier...lols...den after all dat we went to get our stuff ready...lyk fold de tents n wash de bottles which i bet 1oo over ppl used before n also clean de mestins n get de food...n after dat we went to change...shorts n shirt...n wet shoes...cos we were supp to kayak 1st...
kinhou came n join us n den we went to kayak afte a briefin...hahhas...i kayaked before...xD we hadda do de floatin thing to test our life vest den overturn infront of de instructors n all...n marco polo's instructor caught a jellyfish...lols...

OH ZZZ LUH!!I BLOG L8R!!de rest of my post deleted cos my com hanged...ZZZ!!!i hate my com...blog l8r or tomorrow...

[[-]]

2006-05-01T07:25:00.000-07:00

i dont trust any of my lvl school mates anymore...hypocrites...

[[before OBS]]

2006-05-01T06:53:00.000-07:00

sigh i'm still so down...gggrrrr....idunnoe luh la...so pissed luh la...i'm changin drasticly n i dowan...crap...scrap shyt...ggrr...tomorrow OBS n i dowan go...sian...so sick of lyf...i feel so saddist....i'm tired...i really am...i had enuff...i really wann this to end...right here...right now...i dont wanna continue anymore...i cant...i've no energy....frankly...i dont know wad is goin on anymore...i'm really tired.......................................................

[[slit my wrist?]]

2006-04-30T23:49:00.000-07:00

ytd night...dunnoe why...so friggin sad...so upset dat i went to slit my wrist...no blood larhz...budden...still very pain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!den i mop arnd in my room n den went to bed at 2 plus...tot alot of stuff...n fell aslp arnd 3...sian...woke upp n den replied pean's sms...dunnoe if i shld tell pean dat i slit my wrist cos i know if i do he will angry...but i told him anyway...n he was...angry....so pissed i didn reply...den he said sorry...lykk nvm la...idunnoe le la...felt so confused...

met anges n candice at westmall...desmond n nic was der too but left soon after to go nic tan hse...den me n candice n agnes walked arnd...went to de korean place der n i rem something dat i did ytd...i spent 15mins plus lookin for de teddy bear which has mine n ewEn's b'date...cos each day has a different cloth over de teddy bear...i tell u...over 1K bears der...i headache arh...but i found it...so happy la...n i brought it...but dat was ytd...today...found agnes 1 but couldn find candy de...dey didn buy thou...lols...den candice went whilst me n agnes went NODU to look at shoes...i brought 3...nuts?hahhas...cos buy 2 get 1 free...auntie arh?>.< but i lyk...de shoes very nice!!!!!!!!!!!!!hahahs...den not long l8r we went KFC eat den we go le...backk home now...haizz...so lazy pack camp bag...zzZz...k la i better go pack le...mayb i'll blog once more b4 i go for OBS...i think i'll die der..xpp

P.S.i cant type properly...my wrist still hurts...de line is visible...i know i shloudn b bloggin abt it but i wann to rem de day i dared to slit my wrist...is it considered?>.<

ewEnpression?

SNAP OUTTA IT!!

i love you alot...

o1 May 2oo6

happy labour day?

3.o6.p.m.

[[pissed]]

2006-04-30T06:55:00.000-07:00

today went buy camp stuff with my parents...sianzermaniac larhz...den went to watch - the wild - frankly...i have no idea wad was goin thru my mind at dat point of tym when i was watchin de show...budden...all i knew was dat i walked outta a comedy show feelin...down!?!idunnoe le larhz...i guess its really tym to pick upp de pieces on de dumb floor n cheer upp yea?n n...forget him lyk wad my friends all tell me to...n i dont feel lyk goin school...i cant stand de sight of dem...zzZz...n also...HE has to constantly go , hui zhen wo ai ni...YUCKS!i tell u say at least ok nvm...but but but...DO YOU HAVE TO STICK SO CLOSE TO ME!?!?!i will freak out i tell u...BLEH DESU!!

cried ytd night...wished for something...i really hope it will come true...snooze...i wann know more people n cheer upp myself n frankly...i know this sounds stuupid but i hope when dos ppl i know...but never met before...has troubles or something...dey will turn to me...n i will try n help...i wanna help ppl...i dont wann dem to b some depressed nut lyk me...>.<

k le la...totally freakinly stuupid...my blog has to b happy now...*slaps myself*ok wake wake wake...x))

i h8 to do this but

its tym for me to move on?

30 april 2oo6

1o.oo.p.m.

i dont wanna move on......

2006-04-29T09:16:00.000-07:00

http://www.friendster.com/viewphotos.php?uid=6968236&pid=274574724

brenda...ewen's maple laopo...so 'CHIO' leh...i tot some pretty ass...she looks so...UHHH!!!karr i wann cry le la...nu er told pean pean who told me dat ewen's parents not allowin stead is fake de...dey think so la...n i suspected it from a long tym ago le lorh...zzZz...HOW MANY MORE LIES DO YOU WANN TELL ME YOU @#$%^&*(!@#$%^&*(@#$%^&*()!!!

ugly...

>.<

i feel so...

karr...

just go bang wall n die la

30 april 2oo6

12.18.p.m.

[[see de blood n feel my pain ; i dont feel pain ; i'm numbbed]]

2006-04-29T03:08:00.000-07:00

oh zzZz...i'm sick of this le la...just heard from some1...dat panda,ewen's maple wife aka breanda,ask ewen for real lyf stead...i guess he prolly said...yes?haa...n at 1st i tot she was despo until i heard don said ewen says she's quite chio...woah...i guess i lucked out...i've no looks, no brians, no figure n no character...oh wells...guess i really lucked out on this 1...thou i wont deny it really hurts...he really lied...wanna concentrate on studies dowan any stead or wad...he lied abt dat...idunnoe...i dunnoe...i'm really hurtin...i wanna wanna...slit my wrist...all over again dat feelin is backk...from when he 1st broke with me...de feelin of despair of wantin him backk so badly...de feelin of pain loneliness n sadness...empty...how am i supp to go for OBS liddat?i dont have DAT guy to talk to over de fone durin OBS...i'm stuck with some ppl i dont know from other class...i'll prolly cry every night...i'll prolly wished i died der...der r many thing i know n am aware of...just dat i didn say it out...i act lyk i dont know...lyk i know hu lyks me n hu dont...how ppl felt abt me...some just usin me n all...der r so many things i know n yet...i act lyk i dont know...zzZz...ok off topic...yea brenda n ewen...let c...wonder how will dey turn out...i guess i must wish dem de best eh/but i serrriously hope...she isn usin ewen...i cant say for dat since i dont know brenda at all...she's 18 he's 15...but from wad i've expericened b4...i think...my assumption n my feelings n all...points towards something bad...she's usin him...i mean...hll0o!!she's chio she 18 she's older den him...y's she so despo to lyk a guy younger den her?ya ewen is considered quite rich...prolly usin him only i guess?i dont lyk this...she's from poly...n if i know how she looks lyk...n if i c her on de streets...n IF i know she is really usin ewen...watch out...i dont give a damn waD ah lian ah gua u r...i slap u across ur cheeks in public no matter hu ur with of hu i'm with...take my word for it...i'm serious...dont make me use violence again...i'll make sure her cheeks bleed...if i were to resort to violence...i'll make her bleed for wad she's done...she's gonna regret it...i promise all my readers dat...even if i have to go girls home for dat...i will...

mixeddupp feelins...

i'll make you bleed for wad u made me sufffer

bitch

bastard

liar u watch out

29 april 2oo6

6.21.p.m.

mixeddupp pain

[[]]

2006-04-28T20:25:00.000-07:00

i think he lyks me.....

tycolicious...YUCKS CANN!?!i only managed to piece de puzzle this mornin...tycolicious = pandalicious...YUCKS YUCKS YUCKS N DOUBLE YUCKS!!sucky la dont suit him...BLEH!!

ytd didn go school...but i went clem to buy some stuff n play para with ZJ n shar...we played lyk mad...dont really feel lyk bloggin just...EWEN YEO I KNOW YOU'VE FALLEN FOR HER!!LIAR!!WAD DONT WANNA FALL FOR GIRLS ANYMORE SHYT!!LIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wad's this i feel?

fear jealousy anger?

pain confusion sadness?

etc.?

29 arpil 2oo6

11.28.p.m.

[[caught stealin ; vic n others]]

2006-04-27T07:21:00.000-07:00

haizzz...darn sian i wann slp now...okk try n update properly...
went school had art slacked arnd n den i think i bonded more with joanne...dunnoe y am i alwais caught inbtwn quarrels...zzZz...anyway i'm in group 14 bus 7...for OBS...supp to go with agnes buy camp stuff but i'm so bad...i backked out...sigh...sorry dear agnes...x(( sharalyn n Zj dragged me out to clem la...went ZJ hse to change den went to clem...danced para para n played rock fever at de arcade...i felt so alive n soso...natural der...i'm an arcade queen last tym..xpp hahas...as usual i topped para thou i haven played for along tym n shar nZJ's style imporve alot...i felt so me in de arcade...i felt lyk...woah hahaha....i felt so...idunnoe how explain but i just let lose n danced n all...muahhahas...xppfound a bracelet-star- n no 1 was lookin for it so i tot i'll just kepp it?xpp i know i'm evil..x)) den went KFC to eat with dem...SHROOMS BURGER!!lols...had lotsa fun n we went to walk for a while...saw some stuff n we wanted to buy together...mayb tomrrow huh??O"Oden we were gonna go off when cleo called us n den...dey kena some prob arh...dunnoe wad shop lifted n kena caught n needed money to pay for de stuff...we called arnd n i think my fone called ppl more la...lyk WOE[wad on earth] n den finally zeguang helped...den we went dwn der me se n jun but shar went home...den went der n all...Zj was so pissed...vic saw me n i think she rolled her eyes...lyk uhh...i didn wanna come la but jun wanted to to pei her...x\ den jun quarrely with her bro n all...n she cried...i consoled her n all...den when we reached dover...jia jia me jun n ze alighted...i told john not to lose his temper at jun anymore n all...hopes he listens...den me n ze went to pei her home n den ze gave me money in de cab to go home...xD THANKS ZEGUANG xD n i got home at 9 ++...zzZz...ded tired...i wann go slp le...

i know i know n yes joy kissed fengyuan n i know wad u guys r tinkin n i'm thinkin dat way too...dont wann talk abt this cos its lyk so...uhhh...[loose?]

BAOBEI!!pls la dont cut urself cos of him la...u c i wanted to but i didnwad right?u cut 1 more tym i dont talk to u...same for u ...both of u...dover baobei arh...i tell u...break la...he this kinda ppl...sigh idunnoe la...worse den ewen i think?x\ n jurong baobei...idunnoe wad happ la...explain to me k?love u 2...

ewEn addict

machaim trouble look for us help

no trouble kanasai

machiam i dont help c hu help

blasket xDD

wo ai ni

27 april 2oo6

AHH!!!4-5 more days to OBS!!!

1o.37.p.m.